+ Courtney Love, who's possibly nuts, reaches a new Embarrassing Mom Milestone by literally begging Twilight star Robert Pattinson to take her 16-year-old daughter Frances Bean out on her "first-ever date." MAHHHHHHHMMMM!!! (OK!)
+ A pissed-off priest gave Miley Cyrus and Justin Gaston a "verbal spanking" after catching them "giggling" and "texting" throughout his sermon. (Star)
+ What's black and white and red all over? Pink, after a sunscreen-less day on the beach! Oh, and did we mention she's also rocking some "cheeky" new tattoos? (The Sun - UK)
+ Amy Winehouse's crazy, crawling-on-hands-and-knees pics, explained! "[S]he was just having fun, pretending to be a horse," clarifies Amy's sad, deluded dad, Mitch. (Telegraph - UK)
+ We know, we know, you're already over the whole inauguration thing, but we just realized we left one of the most important deets out of our inaugural highlights reel: MILEY CYRUS AND NICK JONAS WERE SPOTTED HUGGING AFTER THE INAUGURAL YOUTH BALL. That is all. (Popstar! Magazine)
+ Note to Kelly Osbourne: if a gossip reporter calls you -- or your fiance -- stupid, slugging her in the face generally isn't the best way to prove her wrong. Now she's NEVER gonna get you that fancy-pants sugar bowl off your registry! (Usmagazine.com)
+ Hot off the (tabloid) press! Britney Spears is reportedly getting paid $20 million to write her memoirs. Yeah, it's like THAT. (Hollyscoop)
+ Coming up on The City: Jay asks Whitney to "trust" him -- then totally hits on some random club skank! Reason 139 why you should never, ever date an Australian. (Remote Control)