My 5 Favorite Moments In Britney’s New ‘If U Seek Amy’ Video

Though Britney never TRULY clarifies WHO, exactly, Amy is and why EVERYONE’S doing all that seeking of the Amy in question, she and director Jake Nava (“My Prerogative,” and a host of Beyonce videos, including “Crazy In Love,” “Beautiful Liar,” and “Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It)”) do give us a treasure chest of golden Britney moments. Herewith are my favorite moments of Britney’s “If U Seek Amy” video.

5.) The Fox News-Spoofing Intro (0:01) – Seriously, even Britney appears not to take Fox News seriously.

4.) Britney Cleans Her Room (0:41) – Britney picks up some dirty drawers off the floor. Don’t judge! It’s happened to you too (even if they were yours and not the result of an orgyfest the likes of which not seen since Fiona Apple’s “Criminal” video). But at least Britney’s tidying up after herself! Even if she did toss them aside a second later. And did you notice the bathtub at the beginning of that scene? Totally reminds me of “Everytime,” but less ominous. See! Britney’s better! She’s moving past her past! And her amazing hair — totally “Don’t Let Me Be The Last To Know” material. And that last-call dance she does? That little ante room is totally “Me Against The Music,” minus Madonna, because she’s busy shacking up with that sweet little barely-legal pool boy dude.

3.) Britney’s Taste In Furniture (1:41) – That striped sectional sofa Britney and her personal team of cheerleaders is grinding on exudes Britney’s sensible taste in contemporary furniture. It’s versatile, comfortable, brightens up that family room, and um, stains come right off!

2.) Be Betty Draper: (2:13) – Britney basically morphs into Mad Men‘s Betty Draper while recalling her 2003 Esquire magazine shoot, which was an homage to the magazine’s 1966 Angie Dickinson shoot. (THEN Danity Kane reprised the image AGAIN in 2008! Exhausted yet?)

1.) Be Giada De Laurentiis (3:13) – There is absolutely no reason you can’t be smokin’ hot and awesome in the kitchen too. Britney demonstrates her ability to do both by baking up a fresh pie. Extra points for remembering to keep that table in tip-top shape by putting down that potholder first. Smart girl.

Those are my five favorite “If U Seek Amy” moments. Yours?