(Credit: Michael Buckner/Getty)
As reported earlier today on the world's best news site, allegations are flying around the blogosphere (let's please invent a new word for that -- Blogaria? Blogoslavia?) that buying Mariah Carey's wedding ring broke Nick Cannon's bank. Here's what our favorite stuntin' little punk had to say about that (via his blog):
"Ridiculous! I just got like 3 new major multi-million dollar deals in the last 2 months. And I ain't even finish yet... But now I'm broke, okay! Where do these people get this stuff? First off, I wish my wife's ring did only cost $500,000, that would have been a deal!
But one thing that is true, I would spend every last dime that I have ever made on my wife, she deserves to be showered with extraordinary gifts and as long as I live I will spend all my money on her and never touch a dime of hers."
Well, as everybody knows, the tattooed newlyweds are coming up on their one year anniversary and now Nick's gotta put his money where his mouth is. BUT WHAT IN THE HELL IS HE GONNA BUY HER?!?! I imagine that by now our boy is in an all-out panic, so let's all take a deep breath and help a neighbor out. First of all, Nick, here is a link to a valuable website. And now, a list!
1. The World's Most Expensive Computer Mouse: The best thing about this gift is that it's romantic. Another thing about it is that it's under $21,000, so you can get a few of them, because the #1 thing that all computer mouses (mice?) do is break. Ugh, so annoying.
2. The World's Most Expensive Nuts: They're called "Macadamia Nuts" and if you haven't tried them in a cookie yet, well, you deserve to be on the show Extreme Makeover: Home Edition with your host, Ty Pennington. These nuts cost about $36/pound, so prepare to cough up before you choke down, Nick Cannon.
3. The World's Most Expensive Bicycle: Can you hear this golden bike laughing at you, Nick Cannon? That's because it costs $102,418.60 and you can only fit one person on it. But if you think about it, this photograph would look much nicer if it included a gold bike.
4. The World's Most Expensive Particle Collider: At $6 billion, the Hadron is easily the nicest particle collider to own.
5. A New Ring. And A Baby: Make a girl happy, Nick Cannon.
GOOD LUCK, NICK CANNON! And happy anniversary to you.