Recently, more’s been made of Jessica Simpson‘s weight and denim cut-off short shorts than the fact that Arizona State University denied President Obama an honorary degree. Vanity Fair writer Rich Cohen even managed to use the word “fat” three times in one paragraph in his recent Jessica Simpson profile! Wow. It took him several more PARAGRAPHS to even get to the word “beautiful,” which feels like a bit of an oversight, no?)
Seriously, who CARES how much Jessica Simpson weighs? Sure, she should’ve fired her stylist over the Mom Jeans incident of January 2009, but the girl was born gorgeous and looks great at any weight. And Jessica Simpson in short-shorts? Even better. Hello? She even PLAYED Daisy Duke. Why? Because girl’s got legs for months.
So, while ASU skipped over Obama, we’re giving Jessica Simpson Buzzworthy’s all-time favorite short-shorter award. And she’s also the official inspiration behind some of our all-time favorite short-shorts videos by Katy Perry, Beyonce, Jennifer Lopez, Vanessa Hudgens, Gwen Stefani, Aerosmith and more…
Jessica Simpson — “These Boots Are Made For Walkin'” — True, The Dukes of Hazzard movie was a total flop (or a box office smash if you’re measuring it against the Glitter yardstick!) but Jessica did get in absolutely bananas shape to play Daisy Duke in the movie and its resultant video, which was so overtly sexy (duh — Brett Ratner directed it) that it ended up banned in several countries. And true, the remake doesn’t do the original much justice (I’m fairly confident the Nancy Sinatra version doesn’t mention anything about “double Ds”), but sharing a set with Willie Nelson and the General Lee is still worth something, right? (Right?)
Katy Perry — “Hot ‘N’ Cold” — Katy Perry pulled off an impressive feat in her “Hot ‘N” Cold” video; she managed to wear short-shorts in just about EVERY scene, including the scene where she tears off her wedding dress to reveal a hidden pair of white short-shorts — which wind up being the perfect thing to wear while chasing her wayward groom down the street. And walking a zebra, obvs.
Britney Spears — “Don’t Let Me Be The Last To Know” — I won’t let YOU be the last to know that at NO point in her 2001 “Don’t Let Me Be The Last To Know” beach video, directed by the late Herb Ritts (he also directed Madonna’s “Cherish” and Chris Isaak’s “Wicked Game” videos) does Britney wear pants at ALL. In just a bikini top and a pair of I-can’t-believe-they’re-not-drawers cut-off shorts, Britney rolls around in the sand with French model Brice Durand. The video resulted in a TRL #1 hit for Britney, as well as what was probably a LOT of sand stuck inside dark, uncomfortable places.
Christina Aguilera — “Can’t Hold Us Down” — Christina Aguilera rocked an extreme… ly short pair of pink ones in her 2003 video, “Can’t Hold Us Down.” But what Christina lacked in shorts she made up for with old-school knee-high tube socks. True to the named Stripped — Christina’s 2002 album which featured “Can’t Hold Us Down” — Lil’ Kim, who guested on the track and co-stars in the video — puts Christina’s short-shorts to shame when she throws open her robe and reveals little more than a teeny weeny bikini. And a superfluous belt. She’s subtle, that Kim!
Beyonce — “Crazy In Love” — In her 2003 “Crazy In Love” video, featuring Jay-Z, Beyonce wears a pair of barely there denim short-shorts. And my guess is that her choreographer stuffed the pockets of said shorts with fire ants because Beyonce writhes around on the ground, spazzes out, and almost twerks her way out of those shorts for nearly the entire duration of the time she spends in them. “Crazy In Love” won three 2003 VMAs (the VMAs where Britney and Madonna made out!) by the way — Best R&B Video, Best Choreography, and Best Female Video.
Keri Hilson — “Knock You Down” — Keri Hilson looks like she frequently skips dessert and never skips a workout. Plus, if you’ve seen her “Energy” video, then you’re fully aware that she’s a lady boxer. (Plus, she shleps around a CRAPload of nail polish everywhere she goes.) Therefore her short-shorts are practically a necessity.
Vanessa Hudgens — “Sneakernight” — Which did you notice first in Vanessa Hudgens’ “Sneakernight” video? Vanessa’s light-up sneakers, or her micro-mini super-duper short-shorts? Or the fact that “Sneakernight” sounds exactly like Nikka Costa’s “Like A Feather”?
++ Check out more celebs in short-shorts and classic short-shorts videos after the jump!
Gwen Stefani — “Hollaback Girl” — Did you take band in school? Because I did. And my band teacher sure as hell never wore Spandex hot pants.
Aerosmith — “Cryin'” — Alicia Silverstone went a lot of places Cher Horowitz would’ve NEVER gone as the Lolita-like femme fatale lead in Aerosmith’s “Cryin'” video. Like to a seedy-ass motel with Stephen Dorff, a tattoo parlor to get a beast of an ink stain, and to a crappy diner where — ATTENTION, LOST FANS! — Josh Holloway steals her purse at around 3:40. In the 1993 video, Alicia wears a serious pair of booty shorts, and, at the end, she bungee jumps in a tank top, flannel, and a pair of relaxed-fit jeans, as if to reiterate the ’90s-ness of it all. As IF Cher would EVER be caught dead in flannel and 501s!
Jennifer Lopez — “I’m Gonna Be Alright” — Back before she was Mrs. Anthony, and right before she was “Jenny from the Block,” (though after she almost got arrested for jumping turnstiles) J.Lo (I know it’s confusing), used to hang out on street corners with Nas and slink around in bodegas in extremely short-shorts. We counted THREE pairs (and at least one bikini) in her “I’m Gonna Be Alright” video, directed by Dave Meyers. And, for the record, Jennifer Lopez was still Mrs. Chris Judd when she shot this video back in 2001. And also for the record, those shorts are pretty much non-existant.