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(Credit: Rene Cervantes)

If you're a chick and you're fixin' to date one of the four members of Fueled By Ramen pop-punk outfit Friday Night Boys, it helps if you're:

A.) Either tall or short and possibly blonde...

B.) A "regular" person and pretty funny!

C.) Good at making BLTs...

D.) Not a total slut. But you SHOULD have a critical eye for porn.

It also helps if you're Zack from All-Time Low or Ryan Reynolds. And it's so funny, because we (Travis and I, that is) have a saying here on the 17th floor of MTV. It goes: HOLY EFFING SHET. RYAN REYNOLDS IS SO BRUTALLY HOT IT'S INSANE! We also have a similar saying about Taye Diggs.

So, similarly, you need to be okay with the guys being out on the road for long stretches of time, especially since Friday Night Boys are touring with Cobra Starship RIGHT NOW in support of their new album, Off the Deep End.

Find out five very important things you need to know about The Friday Night Boys right now. Oh, and interested parties fitting the above description should contact The Friday Night Boys IMMEDIATELY on Twitter at @fridaynightboys. They know to expect your Tweet.

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+ Madonna's almost-former label Warner Bros. just announced that her fourth compilation CD, Celebration, will be released on September 28th. This will be the last commitment she has to fulfill with Warner and a video for the song "Celebration" will also be released soon. (Madonna.com)

+ In case you ever wondered why Michael Jackson named his daughter Paris, now you know. (PopCrunch)

+ In a bizarre, unrelated twist, Nicole Richie is naming her child after Michael, who was also her godfather. (PopCrunch)

+ P.S. actor Rupert Everett thinks Michael is better off dead. Too soon? (ICYDK)

+ Speaking of bald chicks, um, have you seen Solange's shaved head?? GIRL, WHAT DID YOU DO TO YOUR HAIR? What a mess! (Seriously? OMG! WTF?)

+ Recession special! Sign up for Jack White's new subscription music service, and he will open up his entire White Stripes catalog for you! (NME)

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I spent far too much of yesterday afternoon lusting over Alexa Chung's Chanel cardigan and rival Marc Jacobs top I promised you I'd fight someone over. But like a million and seven of you Tweeted me yesterday asking where you can get the New York Times Obama t-shirt Alexa wore yesterday. I did a little digging and discovered that Alexa's Obama tee is from brills indie t-shirtiers Altru Apparel.

The New York Times Obama victory tee is $32.00 at AltruApparel.com, and it's about 1000xs more rad than your "Get Your Tickets To The Gun Show" tee. And don't even get me started on your Ed Hardy t-shirt.

+ Check out more sweet vintage-inspired Altru Apparel t-shirts after the jump.

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You poor girl -- you poor, poooor girl, so close to Tyson Ritter in the It's On With Alexa Chung audience. If that were me, oh, the outrage: A prop? A prop, Tyson? Is that all we mean to each other? You reach out to me, press my hand on your skinny, sweaty torso, but only because "it fits with the lyrics"? No, no. Stop playing with people's hearts, Tyson Ritter. I have FEELINGS. A REAL HEART beats within this chest.

But, you know, make your own call on The All-American Rejects' live performance from It's On With Alexa Chung, which features the lyrics to which I referred, from the band's When The World Comes Down single, "I Wanna."

And OK, maybe I overreacted. The girl in Alexa Chung's audience could have had it much worse -- she could have been that guitar. Seriously, Tyson gets up in that guitar, then he shimmies his, he-chest and (I swear) licks it...

Apologies if you were here for the music. Of course, after you watch the Rejects, you can check out videos of Alexa Chung's assorted musical guests, including Kid Cudi, Phoenix, Metric, Sean Kingston and more.

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First of all, let me say that not for ONE second was I buying Chris Brown's apology. It was about as heartfelt as that TelePrompter he was struggling to read. Also, why the hell was he dressed a cross between a sassy chef and the fifth member of Coldplay? But, what I AM buying is that the video I'm about to show you is one of the BEST viral videos I've seen since "Kittens (Inspired By Kittens)," and if you know me personally and you know how I feel about kittens and cat videos, then you know I'm not saying that lightly. It's also way better than the Filipino prisoners dancing to "Thriller" because I assume no one was forced to dance until their feet bled.

Anyway, Chris Brown certainly does not need any more publicity, but seriously, this video redeems him, at least indirectly, which is basically the only bad thing about it. (And it's hard not to admit that "Forever" is a great song. Sigh.)

So, well, I don't want to spoil it for you, but basically, the video you're about to see is pretty much the greatest wedding entrance of all time. And I'd embed it here for your browsing convenience, but NOOOOOOOOOOO! SOMEBODY had to get in a legal battle, and I don't wanna fan those flames.

+ Watch the Chris Brown "Forever" wedding dance (before Jive pulls it down), and see why you're about to have this plastered all over your Facebook.

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+ Whitney Houston, the woman who's been having a comeback for the last 10 years of her life, got a standing ovation at the listening party for her new album (out September 1) at New York's Lincoln Center. (Lifeline Live)

+ Congratulations are in order for Kelis -- not because she's getting divorced from Nas, but because she just had her baby! (E! Online)

+ And in other good news, Britney Spears looks like she's on track to take over the reigns to her personal life. Her daddy's run as her conservator draws to a close at the end of this year and, according to sources, it seems as though he is not going to maintain his firm grip on her life beyond then. (E! Online)

+ Calling all JoBro fans ... what's your favorite soundcheck costume on the tour? This is my personal fave, though I heard that Nick isn't one of the three piggies (it's some road manager or something). I wonder if they make Jordin Sparks (whose album Battlefield is out today, btdubbs -- and p.s. how effing GORGEOUS did Jordin look today on Alexa Chung this morning??) dress up as Little Red Riding Hood? Or what about this doozie? I guess Joe is supposed to be Screech from Saved By The Bell? Oof!(Twitter)

+ Maybe while his bros are soundchecking on stage as the Two Little Pigs, Nick Jonas is rolling around in one of these trying to have some "me" time. God knows it's more privacy than I've got in my NYC apartment. (Perez Hilton)

+ For all the Lindsay Lohan haters, she's having the last laugh: her recent ABC Family straight-to-television movie Labor Pains actually performed tons better than an airing of Harry Potter. Granted, that movie has been out for like, eight years but whatevs. (The Evil Beet)

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A mindblowingly rad cardigan, the mindblowingly gorg Jordin Sparks -- who was down for a modeling and a drinking competition! -- Miss Info, and a couchside confession from Robert Hoffman, who revealed he's dating two supermodels! Best Alexa Chung show EVER? Now ON to that cardigan...

Wednesday, July 22
+ Cardigan: Chanel
+ Jeans: Topshop
+ Boots: Gap

I'm dying over that Chanel cardigan, but I'm also dying over this Marc Jacobs sleveless bouclé belted top, which is kind of like a more feminized version of Beyonce's Balmain military jacket. That's it. I've decided I'm gonna do for bouclé what Justin Timberlake did for sexy: I'm bringing it back, bishes! And Marc Jacobs, you had me at "chain trim." Truly, I would slap your puppy dog to get my hands on this. Unfortunately it's $949 at MyTheresa.com. Why? Because fashion hurts, friends.

Also, check out this gorjgwa blazer by Danish label DAY Birger et Mikkelsen. Just a little peek of sequins. It's $300 at Net-a-porter.com.

+ Oh yeah, check out photos of Jordin Sparks going for the gusto on It's On With Alexa Chung after the jump!

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(Credit: Rene Cervantes)

Hey Monday fans, consider Wednesday your new lucky day. Because in addition to today's brand-new Hey Monday sushi-and-sausage interview, you're also getting brand-new Hey Monday photos, shot at MTV. You're welcome.

+ Check out more Hey Monday photos after the jump, and view the gallery here.

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HEY, Paula Abdul fans. With the fate of Paula's future on American Idol slightly uncertain -- she's leaving! she's staying! She's hot! She's cold! This is starting to feel more and more like a Katy Perry song! -- one thing that's straight-up certain is that Paula just added some pieces of sparkle to her Home Shopping Network "Forever Your Girl" collection of jewelry and accessories.

And while Paula's February 2009 appearance on the Home Shopping Network was, um, pitchy, to say the least, she's going live on again on July 31 with new stuff.

All of Paula Abdul's HSN jewelry is under $100, and God knows it's (arguably) better than spending your money on Scrunchies, Ed Hardy tees, or Lindsay Lohan's Sevin Nyne tanner. However, Paula's jewelry may cause slurring, purring, "knowingness,"  your eyes to reorbit in their head, dancing like there's no tomorrow, and/or the overwhelming urge to grab David Archuleta and squish him, squeeze his head off, and dangle him from your rear-view mirror, and possible Corey Clark drama.

Check out photos of Paula Abdul's new HSN jewelry -- there's a silvery starburst, a cuff that looks like asphalt, and... the very sparkly thing below that I'm uncertain about -- and tell me: Would you wear Paula Abdul's jewelry?


+ Check out more photos of Paula Abdul's HSN jewelry collection after the jump.
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If Hey Monday is a pop-rock Decaydance crop you've yet to harvest, have a sample of the sweet and punky quintet via their new Buzzworthy "The 5" interview. First off, the Florida group fully agrees they're all about "living the dream," whatever that means to you. Perhaps it means black V-necks and really awesome hair. And Apple products. See if you can guess which of this crew is officially Apple certified...

In case you didn't notice, Cassadee Pope is the group's sole female; she is also (coincidentally, of course) the only member who doesn't enjoy the taste of fish. Ha! That did not come from me. Neither did the joke about transitioning the band from "sausage fest" to "clam... (bake)."

OK, have I said enough? Watch and you'll even learn how Hey Monday's single "How You Love Me Now" can be distilled into a finger wag and an "un-unh!"

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