REVEALED: The 5 Miracles Contained Within Adam Lambert’s ‘Time For Miracles’ Video

Lambert! Dystopian setting! Power ballad! From the soundtrack to the forthcoming disaster-porn epic (and John Cusack vehicle!) 2012! Here are the five most miraculous things about Adam Lambert’s brand-new video, “Time For Miracles,” from his upcoming album, For Your Entertainment.

1. ADAM LAMBERT HAS TIME TO COORDINATE: On the day the day the world ends, Adam Lambert still has time to dress up like Judd Nelson’s character from the Breakfast Club! “No, Dad! What about you!” You’ve got to hand it to anyone who takes the time, when all is falling down around him, to perfectly match his eye makeup to his weathered Docs.

2. ADAM LAMBERT HAS GRACE UNDER FIRE: It’s miraculous that Lambert keeps his cool. My man is STROLLING through some everything-must-go pandemonium. This is the kind of grace under fire (literally) that served him so well on Idol. After the apocalypse, a leader will rise; a confident man capable of singing in the face of total destruction. That man is Adam Lambert.

3. ADAM LAMBERT HAS STICK-TO-IT-NESS: He “ain’t giving up on love.” Dude! There are cars FALLING OUT OF THE SKY. Trust me, you can feel free to not give up on love, but there won’t be anyone left to love because they will all be a.) dead, or b.) running from the falling cars (and meteors and tidal waves). Nothing comes between Adam Lambert and love.

4. ADAM LAMBERT HAS A KEEN SENSE OF URBAN NAVIGATION: Adam Lambert sure has a (dare I say it… yes, I dare) miraculous sense of which skyscraper to sing from. Of all the skyscrapers that crumble, crash, and fall in his “Time For Miracles” video (among the dozens which must also bite it in the film itself), Lambert is on the one that remains strong. They should rename it Lambert Tower. And by “they,” I mean the five people on Earth left alive after all this mayhem.

5. ADAM LAMBERT VISITS ONLY CLEAN CITIES: The cleanliness of the streets, post-apocalypse. Um, I’m from Philadelphia. I think we only just cleaned up the trash and detritus from last year’s World Series celebrations. No way this city cleans up all the craziness in the time-span of a music video.