(Credit: Rick Diamond/Getty Images)
One thing we learned while acquiring our highly useful (joking!) comparative literature degree in college is that authors borrow from those who came before them. It's the anxiety of influence, people. And fledgling author (and, really, fledgling person) Justin Bieber is no different.
So with that in mind, we thought we'd make some recommendations to Biebs on what might make a solid opening line to his upcoming memoir, "Justin Bieber: First Step 2 Forever: My Story."
+ "In the beginning, there was Bieber."
Can never go wrong quoting the Ol' Teezy (Old Testament to you, pagans).
+ "It was the best of Biebs, it was the worst of Biebs."
Justin could probably play one of Charles Dickens' adorable, raggamuffin-y scamps in a movie. So why not jack one of his most famed opening lines.
+ "All happy Biebers are the same; every unhappy Bieber is unhappy in its own way."
Despite not totally making sense, this line from Leo Tolstoy's "Anna Karenina" could illustrate Justin's duality. Or something.
+ "If you really want to hear about it, the first thing you'll probably want to know is where I was born, and what my lousy childhood was like, and how my parents were occupied and all before they had me, and all that David Copperfield kind of crap, but I don't feel like going into it, if you want to know the truth."
CATCHER IN THE BEEBS! (This is from J.D. Salinger's "Catcher In The Rye" ... But you knew that, right?)
+ "A Bieber comes across the sky."
Justin gets all post-modern with the Thomas Pynchon shout-out. Bieber's Rainbow!
+ Are you there God? It's me, Beebs."
An unforgettable coming-of-age story that resonates with generations of pre-pubescents.