An Open Letter To NEWLY SINGLE ZAC EFRON (!!!!!!)

(Credit: WireImage)

Dearest Zac Efron,

We just heard the horrible news about you and Vanessa Hudgens breaking up, and we would just like to offer our beautiful, freshly showered shoulder for you to cry on. You guys had a good, long run. Like, really long. Like, since the “High School Musical” days. They don’t even make those movies anymore! Also, some might even call the run you guys had too long. In fact, many might call it that. I know I would.

But that’s neither here nor there. All good things must come to an end, and what we’re going to focus on now is the fact that you, Zac Efron, are A SINGLE MAN. (One more time for the ladies: ZAC EFRON IS A SINGLE MAN.) Even though you might be feeling sad, this is the time, Zac! The world is your oyster! Do you like oysters? Some say they’re an aphrodisiac. We can get some sometime, like, if you’re not busy…

Sorry, I got off track. What I’m trying to say is there are plenty of fish in the sea! Speaking of, there’s this adorable little spot I know that has the best tilapia…

OK, in all seriousness, you and Vanessa Hudgens were a lovely couple, but this is the moment all of America has been waiting for! All of America, me, everyone at Buzzworthy HQ, and I think even my mom. So how about this–you take the night off, cry over a bowl of cookie dough ice cream and then call us in the morning for this ice-skating thing we have planned. No, it’s a group thing! Not like, a date or anything…

Until then, I’ll just be sitting here, drinking my coffee, printing out photos of you and Vanessa and gluing my face over hers.

XOXO,

Every Legally Aged Woman in America (But mostly me!)