10 Instant Breakup Songs For Valentine’s Day

Breaking up is hard to do. So if you’ve been thinking about dropping the “it’s-not-me-it’s-you” line and breaking up right before or on Valentine’s Day and you just don’t have the stones to do it, here are a few vitriolic un-love songs that do an excellent job of saying “we’re through” — and meaning it. They’re the musical equivalent of a middle finger or a slashed tire. Just IM or text your soon-to-be-ex a link to any of these songs, or give them a call and play them over the phone (or take the classic “Say Anything” approach) and consider the fact that you a.) are now single – huzzah!, and b.) saved yourself a good $50 on flowers. Plus dinner.

1.) “O.P.P.” — Naughty By Nature: There’s probably no better way to say “yes, I am interested in seeing other people’s… privates…” than by this Naughty By Nature standard.
2.) “Trapped In The Closet” — R. Kelly: So so so much going on in all 22 chapters of R. Kelly’s R&B soap opera. Or, just skip to the “Oh my God a rubber” part.
3.) “There’s No Home For You Here” — (Ex!) The White Stripes: Jack White repeats the song’s title at least six times in this song. Because he means.
4.) “I Hate You So Much Right Now” — Kelis: The former Mrs. Nas doesn’t mince words here. In fact, she screams “I Hate You So Much Right Now,” sending a crystal-clear message.
5.) “70 Times 7″ — Brand New: The line “I hope you choke and die,” while extreme and inadvisable, is succinct.
6.) “I Hope You Die” — The Bloodhound Gang: Like Kelis and Brand New, The Bloodhound Gang’s “I Hope You Die” is a very literal, extremely direct way of saying “I’m just not that into you.” Especially the opening line, “You must die I alone am best!” And the fact that they say “die” about 40 trillion times.
7.) “I Hate Everything About You”Three Days Grace: EFF YEAH, EARLY 2000s!!!
8.) “Take a Bow”Madonna: Nothing says “we’re through” more than a sexy bullfighter and Madonna dressed like Eva Peron. Rihanna did a good job of it in her version of “Take A Bow” with the cold lyric “You look so dumb right now.”
9.) “Unhappy Birthday” — The Smiths: “Because you’re evil and you lie.” And that’s why.
10.) “Bloody Mother F***ing A**hole” — Martha Wainwright: Self-explanatory.