(Photo by Ian Gavan/Getty Images)
+ UPDATE: We’ve got TONS of Justin Bieber mustaches for you!
SO MUCH NO, you guys.
The world was agape when he got a haircut recently, and now, Justin Bieber has announced via Twitter that he’ll further shake up his hair-growing situation as he’s planning to grow a mustache. Proclaimed Bieber to his many, many followers, “I’m not shaving for a month so you all can see my mustache. I’m pumped.”
Justin Bieber, we are not pumped. We are the opposite of pumped. We are depleted. Look, we’re just going to say it. Mustaches are like, THE silliest facial hair concept going. Few people on Earth should rock them. Here’s the complete list of all acceptable wearers of mustaches:
1.) Alex Trebek
2.) Our Uncle Larry
3.) The Pringles guy
4.) Colonel Sanders
5.) Burt Reynolds
That’s it. That’s the complete list of people in the world where we live who should rock upper lip fur. Notice that the allowed-wearers-of-mustaches loophole means you had have been alive when mustaches were last socially acceptable, i.e., in the ’70s.
Justin Bieber, you’re not ON that list, though it may be the ONLY list you’re not on. We want what’s best for you, and a mustache is NOT best. We just can’t cosign this. We’re never going to be able to look at you the same once you start growing a ‘stache. Will you look as if you should be tying a damsel in distress to train tracks? Will your baby face reject it and rebel in protest? Who can ever know?
What do you think, Buzzworthy? Are you still a Belieber? Or should Justin Bieber continue to stash the ‘stache? Decision 2011!