Happy Birthday, Lady Gaga! We Got You Some Practical Presents!

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Despite evidence to the contrary, Lady Gaga wasn’t created from ether in some far-off bleach blonde disco dance dimension — she has a real human birthday just like you and me, and today’s the big day! Happy birthday, Lady Gaga!

Lady Gaga turns 25 today, and unfortunately, the thing about birthdays is the older you get, the less exciting they are. After 21, it’s all downhill you’re well on your way to adulthood and nobody thinks you need candy necklaces or Barbies anymore. Your parents and friends start getting you useful and practical gifts like no-slip socks and car emergency kits. Party time!

But we got to thinking about it — Lady Gaga is probably the one person on the planet who actually needs practical gifts. Check out a few birthday gifts we think she could use:

1.) Jeans: Even though we’ve never really seen it, Lady Gaga has to dress down once in a while. She can’t be in bodysuits and 12-inch heels 24/7, right? While maybe not as fun as a pyrotechnic bra, a pair of jeans might allow Gaga to go grocery shopping without such a hassle.

2.) A travel mug: We often see Lady Gaga carrying around her tea (or diamonds) in a China teacup. Hey Gaga, they make these things called travel mugs. They’re really convenient, good for the environment, and you’ll have far less stains to get out of your meat dress.

3.) An alarm clock: Remember that egg that Lady Gaga arrived to the 2011 Grammy Awards in? And then remember how she said she’s getting one installed in her bedroom, you know, just to sleep in and stuff? Well how on Earth are you going to be able to wake up on time, young lady!? You need an alarm clock!

4.) Sensible gym shoes: For most people, a birthday is the perfect time to get someone that fancy pair of pumps they’ve been eying. But Lady Gaga might be the one girl on the planet with just about enough high heels. Including a pair she does yoga in. This girl needs to slip on some Nikes and feel the comfort of a rubber sole. (“Thank you,” — Lady Gaga’s knees in 25 years.)

5.) Makeup remover: Lady Gaga recently revealed that she rarely takes her makeup off before bed. AHHH! The biggest no-no ever! Didn’t your mother ever tell you that sleeping in prosthetics and fake blood is horrible for your skin?!