What Every Song On Lady Gaga’s ‘Born This Way’ Might Be About

Credit: Splash News

The buzz around Lady Gaga‘s highly anticipated album Born This Way is growing louder by the day. Tomorrow, May 5, is the premiere of her seven-minute, $10 million (!!!) “Judas” video, and she’s been making the rounds promoting the album, most recently on “Ellen” and “Oprah.”

Gaga also recently posted the official track listing for Born This Way, and we seriously cannot stop thinking about it! It’s like when your BF or GF texts you all, “We need to talk,” and you automatically start thinking about everything they could possibly tell you — they’re pregnant, they’re a spy, they lost your cat, they found those locked photos on your hard drive, etc. The possibilities are endless.

To curb our enthusiasm (and pass the time until May 23 when the album is released), we’ve listed our ideas of what the songs we haven’t heard on Lady Gaga’s Born This Way might be about. Keep in mind that we are not professional songwriters, and these descriptions are intended for LOLZ!

Lady Gaga’s Born This Way track listing:

+ Marry The Night — A love song dedicated to Taco Bell’s “Fourthmeal.”

+ Born This Way We were way off with our guess that this was possibly a pro-spider ballad.

+ Government Hooker — A piano ballad about the Statue of Liberty’s rebellious teen years.

+ Judas — Turns out this one isn’t about Rob Halford.

+ Americano — We were sure this was an ode to the best drink at Starbucks. Wrong!

+ Hair – A disco track featuring Donald Trump and Phil Spector.

+ Scheiße — It means “s***” in German, and that’s enough for us.

+ Bloody Mary – A rock opera exploring the miracle that is tomato juice and vodka.

+ Bad Kids – An interlude referencing the Menendez brothers.

+ Highway Unicorn (Road To Love) — A 17-minute overture about socioeconomic class divisions in America and the pitfalls of modern capitalism. Or maybe a dance track. We haven’t decided.

+ Heavy Metal Lover — A bass-heavy hit about C-3PO’s struggle with obesity.

+ Electric Chapel — What church would be like if Lady Gaga was the pope.

+ Yoü And I — A pop/rock track about Gaga’s relationship with the umlaut.

+ The Edge Of Glory — A metal-inspired song about the moment right before your waiter brings you that extra side of bacon you ordered.

What do you guys think? Are we way off with our assumptions or have we hit the nail on the head? What are you expecting from Lady Gaga’s Born This Way? Let us know in the comments!