Now, usually I’d start this with a “hey! how are ya?” sort of thing, but have a seat.
ANOTHER photo of you barely wearing any clothes has surfaced (check out the latest photo here). Apparently it was taken when you got an ENORMOUS dream catcher tattoo permanently etched on your side-boob-area-thing earlier this year. (Not to be confused with the other day when you got a tattoo in Brazil.)
Now we have no problem with tattoos. Get a sleeve if you want! But it feels like this is the 1384832337th time we’ve had to tell you to quit taking pictures of your self, girl. And sure, it’s gotta be hard being Miley “Can’t Be Tamed” Cyrus, but young girls want to be you. And unless you’re willing to have some sort of Amazonian lady-tribe follow you into the jungle ne’er to be heard from again I’d put down the camera phone and quit photos in front of the mirror lest you catch a cold. Or a stalker. Or just bad vibes from CONSTANTLY POSTING PICTURES OF YOURSELF IN COMPROMISING POSITIONS.
Sure, girl, it’s a nice body and worth flaunting. I’ll give you that. Lord knows when I was 16 I was practically the spitting image of Bobby Hill. But just because you’re not stuffing your face with Moon Pies and Funyuns doesn’t mean that you should have so many almost-naked photos of yourself floating around out there in Internet Land for everyone to see. Also, if you have naughty-girl photos of yourself on your phone, then maybe change your password. Maybe just don’t take naked pictures of yourself. It’s the 21st century. Those pictures get out. And while I know I might sound like an Oldster trying to tell a Youngin how to live. But girl, you’ll thank me one day. You’ve still got it, girl. Just don’t lose it all through dumb photos like these. C’mon.
Sorry I yelled at you, girl. Let’s get a taco.