Soundtrack Of My Life: NSFW Songs That Have Me SMH

I think someone slipped some Haterade into my vanilla rooibos tea because I’m feeling all sorts of punchy. It’s like the smallest thing will piss me off, and I’ll launch into a grumbly and sarcastic tirade reminiscent of “Really!?! with Seth & Amy.” Plus, I HATE being in a bad mood, which puts me in an even WORSE mood.

It’s not pretty, people. Look away.

This unexplained aggression has been the inspiration for my newest column. See, there’s a lot of stuff I don’t understand in the world — i.e. how Marilyn Monroe died, what caused someone to create Carhenge or why the heck Kim Kardashian celebrated her engagement by dipping two mini-horses in glitter – and usually I can accept the unknown. However, when it comes to the following crop of artists, I can stop scratching my head and muttering obscenities under my breath. Why? I’m not sure. Maybe I don’t get their art™. Or I’m allergic to their music. Irregardless, I think it deserves further investigation.

So apply your colored contacts, tighten up your Minnie Mouse headband and take out your Zef dictionary because you’re about to experience NSFW and SMH majesty of Blood On The Dance Floor, Millionaires, Kreayshawn and Die Antwoord.

Finally, if you’d like to keep up with all my musings, please visit my website and follow me on Twitter (@redpatterndress).

1.) Blood On The Dance Floor’s “Ima Monster”: I first learned about Blood On The Dance Floor last summer after coming across a story on Gawker about Jessi Slaughter, a then-11-year-old girl (and BOTDF fan) who made these absolutely INSANE (and NSFW) YouTube videos about haters, StickyDrama and something called “brain slushies.” Described as an “electro dance screamo,” the members of Blood On The Dance Floor — named Dahvie Vanity and Jayy Von Monrow — look like disciples of Jeffree Star and sound similar to Brokencyde. They might not sing about “Sandwitches” or boast 152 members, but their WTF attitude and controversial lyrics are reminiscent of shock hip-hoppers like Odd Future. Finally, if you want to watch the Blood fly live, catch them this summer on Warped Tour — if you can stomach it.

2.) Millionaires’ “Alcohol”: Millionaires. Hooo boy. Maybe it’s their raccoon eyes and raunchy image. Or it could be their Chipmunk voices and potty mouths. Or it could be their songs like “Just Got Paid, Let’s Get Laid” and “I Like Money.” But… ack. It seems like the buzz surrounding them has settled down over the past year or two, and I’m not upset about it. After all, Millionaires is the musical equivalent of huffing: One listen and you could cause damage to the central nervous system and brain. Just say no, kids.

3.) Kreayshawn’s “Gucci Gucci”: This week, I got lost in a black hole of Kreayshawn and her crew, the White Girl Mob, and I’ve yet to find my way out. Everything this O-Town girl does totally captivates me. She’s a director! She’s a model! She’s a rapper! In fact, she just scored a million-dollar deal with Sony. But would you expect anything less from someone who spits rhymes like: “So posh, nails fierce with the gold gloss, which means nobody getting over me/I got the swag and it’s pumping out my ovaries.” I think not.

4.) Die Antwoord’s “Evil Boy”: I think I’m still recovering from the first time I saw Die Antwoord’s video for “Evil Boy.” That clip should come with some kind of warning, like: “This video contains a guy with a claw for a hand and an albino-looking girl wearing a coat made of white rats. Oh, and don’t forget about all those boners being waved around like the American flag. No matter how hard you try, you won’t be able to erase these images from your brain so watch at your own risk.” Someone please call my therapist. I think I need to schedule an emergency session.