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11:40 p.m. ET — Lady gaga as Jo calderone just peaced out the building surrounded by her posse. Repeat: Jo Calderone has left the building.
11:30 p.m. ET — Beyonce just went into Gaga’s room. Heard her tell Jay “I want to go say hi!”
11:24 p.m. ET — Katie Holmes and Katy Perry just left the stage and took photos together. Before you look at them, you should buy a new computer because they’re so hot your machine will probably explode. So hit save on whatever you were working on, kay?
11:19 p.m. ET — Standing below the platform and looking up at Katie Holmes who’s about to present the Video of the Year VMA makes me realize that her beauty is the sun and the rest of us are basically dust mites. Sorry, you guys, but I only report the truth.
11:08 p.m. ET — Russell Brand’s carrying one of the heaviest loads on his shoulders tonight — giving a moving elegy to Amy Winehouse. He looks awestruck as he hands the stage over to Tony Bennett.
11:04 p.m. ET — Audience member sitting near Tony Bennett in a wing. “I love your music!!! You make Italian people look awesome.”
10:58 p.m. ET — Awesome exchange as the Jersey Shore girls passed Jared Leto in the hallway. J. Woww to Jared: “Wow. I’m a huge fan! ‘The Kill’ is my favorite!” Jared: “Thank you so much!” Snooki: “Who was that?” J. Woww: “That was Jared Leto. Don’t you know who Jared Leto is?”
10:57 p.m. ET — Britney, Jason, her dad and Jamie Lynn all just left the dressing room and headed back up to the house. I think Britney gets more beautiful by the last hour!!! GODNEY!
10:53 p.m. ET — Echelon!!! FIIIIIIINAlly! Jared Leto spotting!! Hair perfect, stare, icy as usual.
10:50 p.m. ET — It’s official. Kelly Rowland is the sweetest human being ever. (Also Chord Overstreet is SUHHHMOKINGGGGG!!!)
10:48 p.m. ET — Zoe Saldana just hugged Tyler The Creator. Who’s been yelling OH MY GOD for about 15 minutes straight.
10:39 p.m. ET — Pretty sure Nicki Minaj’s enormous entourage includes a real Harajuku.
10:36 p.m. ET — Beyonce’s dancers are heading into the parking lot, fully aware they just fully killed it.
10:32 p.m. ET — Vanessa Hudgens is a more beautiful than 99 percent of all humans. Britney tribute is stunning Sammi and J Woww in the VIP lounge. JWoww: “I cant believe how long ago this was!” Just saw Zoe Saldana hug Joe Jonas. Snooki just yelled “I wouldve did it! She looks f—ing sexy as a guy” when Britney almost kissed Gaga.
10:12 p.m. ET — Kim Kardashian, definition of BLA. DOW. Mrs. Bladow, actually.
9:57 p.m. ET — Young The Giant just headed downstairs, clearly psyching themselves up for their performance and passed Jay Z on the stairs, heading back onto the floor to watch Adele.
9:52 p.m. ET — Kanye and Katy Perry are hugging backstage. They look like two cute kids who just unwrapped a shiny bike on Christmas Day. Also, Katy took off for a quick change, running down three flights of stairs in heels faster than I could in sneakers and kinda making me feel like a failure — never won a Moonman, can’t run in heels. #newgoals
9:42 p.m. ET — Nicki Minaj is jumping up and down with her Moonmen and blowing kisses to her fans from the side of the stage. Also, it’s now my life’s goal to recreate her Harajuku outfit, complete with plastic ankle chain.
9:38 p.m. ET — I think Tyler the Creator just had a mild heart attack when Nicki Minaj won best hip-hop video. Pull through, tyler!
9:31 p.m. ET — Jay-Z just killed it on stage, escaped a screaming VMA crowd, hi-fived his team as he descended the stairs into the dressing room to his own screaming crowd, followed by a smiling Kanye, who’s just glowing. #ownthethrone
9:27 p.m. ET — Surprise guest Jay-Z and Kanye live on stage, Gaga and Britney down in their dressing rooms, just passed Tony Bennett who was in the middle of a toast in his dressing room. If I were Tony Bennett I’d be toasting too.
9:14 p.m. ET — So Gaga… Er… Jo Calderone’s sitting in the front row at the VMAs with Brian May. They’re sharing a row with Britney and Jason. (Also, I’m like 20 feet away. Not that I know because I have a restraining order or anything.)
9:10 p.m. ET — Bieber’s sitting directly behind Russell and Katy, tapping his foot during Gaga. Also: HIIIIII nice leopard print kicks, Beebs! Also, Britney’s sitting front row. Bowwwwww down, bishhhhhessss!
9:07 p.m. ET — Britney and Jason holding hands during Gaga/ Jo Calderone! Katy and Russell holding hands during Gaga/Jo Calderone ! <3s Yes, that’s Brian May from QUEEN!!!!!! BOWWWW DOWNNNNNN!!!! #RIPFREDDIE