I know you’re busy, so I’ll get right to the point. We’ve got two things in common: We’re both Jewish, and we both enjoy hip-hop. Granted, you’re doing a way better job at hip-hop than I am. I’ve always admired your unique place as the preeminent Jewish rapper in “the game.” And there’s gotta be a place for those things to coexist peacefully and tastefully. But unfortunately your “HYFR” bar mitzvah video was not that place.
As anyone who’s gone so far as to recommit themselves to Judaism surely knows, the Torah is one of the most holy and sacred objects in the Jewish faith. That’s why it gets its own special little home in every sanctuary, why we stand up and pray before and after we’ve read from the Torah, and why the Torah gets its own holiday. You get it because you know. A cake in the shape of a Torah is slightly tacky, but slamming down down a Torah cake? Undeniably poor taste.
Getting wrecked in the sanctuary? Come on, man. Granted a bar mitzvah is a TON of hard work (you know because you’ve had two of them), and as far as I’m concerned, it’s appropriate to celebrate the tireless amount of work that goes into it. (And don’t get me wrong — I LOVED a good game of Coke & Pepsi.) But a bar mitzvah is not a red cup event. And having Lil Wayne wear a mask and rap about roofie-ing a girl at a bar mitzvah? Not really OK. (Also, side note, I know Weezy could’ve popped for a suit.)
In my eyes, you took one of Judaism’s most sacred objects and events and made them totally profane. (And unfortunately, there are enough people out there willing to desecrate our religious objects and places of worship — we don’t really need to do that ourselves.) That alone was really disappointing, but so was the fact I had high hopes that you’d be the guy who’d make a music video that made being Jewish feel legitimately cool. But instead you just trashed a temple, a (cake) Torah and a very sacred rite of passage.
Now don’t get me wrong — your bar mitzvah had about 100 percent more celebrities and 1,000 percent more swag than my bat mitzvah did, and I would’ve killed to have Trey Songz (and KHALED!). And, we all make mistakes, so maybe this move was one of yours. In the interest of Jewish solidarity, I’ll forgive you (the Torah has a lot to say about forgiveness, and we even have a whole hungry holiday dedicated to forgiveness too.) And given that you’re a hot bro AND my mom would be SO PSYCHED if I brought you home, I’m fine with it if you wanna call me.
We cool? OK then. L’chaim!