What You Missed At Coachella: Azealia Banks, Body Paint, A Dude Reading ‘The Hunger Games’ + More WTFery

Real Snoop Dogg and Hologram Tupac’s performed at Coachella.

Remote Control‘s Rebecca Brown went to Coachella and brought back a detailed account of what we missed. Also: funny photos.

The searing 110-degree temperatures that typically blanket Coachella’s Empire Polo Field were a distant memory this past weekend, as reports leading up to the first Friday of Coachella couldn’t have been any more discouraging: crap weather. Since I was born lucky, I got some kind of nasty stomach bug, barfed, missed far too many shows (no, they don’t refund you for that sort of thing) and I arrived late. Freaky 50s temperatures and bone-chilling winds transformed that first night, when I caught Arctic Monkeys, M83 and The Rapture, which turned into an I’ll-do-anything-to-keep-warm, love-thy-neighbor type of event. (Shame Coachella security doesn’t allow in blankets.)

The whole bizarre situation — freezing, underdressed young bodies, body paint (more on that in a sec) and holograms — all became a singular, odd utopia complete with its own unique set of only-at-Coachella characteristics. Despite stomach ailments the likes of which usually involve some level of E. coli, I sacrificed myself to gather those moments of Coachella WTFery in case you weren’t there.

Read more about what you missed at Coachella after the jump.

No hula hoops allowed!

On Saturday, the energy level of the Urban Outfitted-out crowd, which included, face-painted partygoers in sweeping skirts and crochet bikini tops, crowded the Gobi Stage early to catch rapper Azealia Banks, who  was very much worth the hype. Later in the night, Bon Iver reeled in the hand-holding couples in attendance, which included Bryan Greenberg and his MTV alum girlfriend, Jamie Chung, who made out for what felt like forever. And in VIP, self-important wristband-wearing chicks hung around the foul Porta-Potties hoping to catch the eyes of 30 Seconds To Mars frontman Jared Leto every time he darted into the loo. (Couldn’t blame them, really.)

By Sunday, all maxi skirts and opaque tights went back into the suitcase, and it was finally time for bare-bodied festival lovers to give Coachella every last bit of energy and skin they’d been keeping on reserve. Also, somehow, face painting became a big thing. But not as big as the headliners: Eminem, Warren G, Kurupt, 50 Cent, Wiz Khalifa and the resurrected version of the ineffable Tupac (in hologram form, obvs) closed out the night.

But since no one really goes to Coachella for the bands, here are four only-at-Coachella situations we found ourselves in:

+ Overheard: “Thom Yorke looks hot in a ponytail.”
+ We actually saw someone reading “The Hunger Games” during Real Estate’s set. Uh…
+ Despite the spillage of people in every direction at Gotye, no one has any clue how to say his name properly.
+ Hula-Hoops were added to the obnoxiously long list of Not Allowed items. Really? Hula-Hoops?

The end is nigh.