Dear Nicki Minaj,
Hi! I’m Sarah! And along with being able to rap all of “Superbass” from memory and expertly apply Pink Friday lipstick in a moving motor vehicle, I run the @MTV Twitter. Slight warning, you’ll have to excuse me a little here — I haven’t written anything more than 140 characters in almost two years. Anyway, we’ve tweeted back and forth a few times (I died!), and I’m one of your former Twitter followers who misses you…a lot.
What happened, girl? Can’t tell you how sad it made me to jump online a couple days ago (who am I kidding — I’m always online) and find out that the Head BARB In Charge had quit Twitter! Listen, I know, I get it, I talk to a lot of haters, too, every day. People you think will never turn on you, and it hurts. But let’s sit down with a nice cold drink (anything but pickle juice, right?) and think about it here — more than 13,000 tweets, 11 million followers (more than Oprah!) and that little blue verified check mark that makes you Twitter royalty. And it’s not just straight numbers. Think of your faithful Barbz who’ve worked their pink spandexed butts off to get you to the top of the trending topics more times than ACTUAL royalty (I’m looking at you, Kate Middleton).
One of the cool things about being on Twitter is that you get to talk to your fans every day, and you’re one of the few celebrities who actually does it (AHEM @RyanGosling). I know things were left a little heated, but I get to talk to your faithful army of superfans on Twitter, too, every day, and they’re really missing their queen. I know, for one, that I’m kind of dying not knowing what you’re wearing today. Or if you’ll be showing up in my neck of Times Square for a surprise show. Take a page out of the Twistories of those who’ve left Twitter before — John Mayer, @MileyCyrus, @DemiLovato, @APlusK, @AlecBaldwin — and hit that Sign In button once again. I hear they’re even holding @NickiMinaj for you, just where you left it.
Don’t be a Twitter quitter. Haters gonna hate. Do it for the children. Starships were meant to fly. You get it, come back. Also, I’d tweet this to you in hopes that you’d see it… but you’re not on Twitter anymore. I hate that.
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