A Rabbi, A Lion & David Hasselhoff Walk Into A Train Video

Train isn’t taking this breakup well.

If there were an award for getting songs stuck in your head, Train would have about a million. “Drops Of Jupiter” alone has been playing on a continuous loop in our brain for more than a decade, interrupted only by napping and the occasional R. Kelly jam. The band’s latest earworm is “50 Ways To Say Goodbye,” an upbeat track that takes both denial and “you’re dead to me” to a whole new place.

The theme here is that Pat got dumped, and instead of facing the fact that soul sister’s JUST NOT THAT INTO HIM, he tells everyone that she died in a multitude of effed-up and creative ways. To support the darkly humorous track, Train’s goofball video begins with singer Pat Monahan hanging at the grocery store with David Hasselhoff (as one does), who apparently has a real eye for ripe tomatoes as well as American talent.

Watch Train’s “50 Ways To Say Goodbye” video after the jump.

The dynamic duo’s surprised by a mariachi band in the canned goods aisle — can this happen in real life? — before switching to rock ‘n’ roll in time for the chorus. Along the way, Monahan gets advice from the Grim Reaper as a number of possible girlfriend deaths play out, including a beheading by a “crappy purple Scion” (I’m imagining Scion’s currently crossing Train off their list of potential artists whose tours they’re willing to throw cash behind) and a close encounter with a lion that likes blondes. Of course, she winds up in one piece — with the ingredients for a delicious salad (as well as an the ENORMOUS cucumber, wink wink).

And so, in summary, Train’s new video contains David Hasselhoff, a real lion, a rabbi (did we mention the rabbi and the fact that Train rhymed “love like yours” with Yom Kippur? Because that happened), a mariachi band and a giant cucumber. I’d say that Train wins, but really, I feel like we all do.

+ Watch Train’s “50 Ways to Say Goodbye” video.