Leave Lady Gaga alone.
Is half of the internet really that bored that “fat Lady Gaga” is now a thing? Because, stop. Because I thought we valued our pop singers for their talent, their songwriting skills, their ability to entertain, or by the fact that they give s***-tons of money to charity and raise awareness for causes you believe in, and/or the way their music makes you feel utter joy or feel like you’re not alone in this world — all of which Gaga’s pretty much the master. They’re not there for us to mock and publicly shame if they go up a few pants sizes. (THE HORROR!)
If you’re a true fan then you love Gaga at any size. If you’re a hater and bored enough with your life to obsess over Lady Gaga’s body, then maybe you should stop using the internet for evil and go outside and stare into the sun for a while and then take an extra-long nap. Maybe you’ll wake up feeling refreshed. Or maybe you’ll at least stay off the internet for a while.
How soon we forget that underneath the massive ponytails and the tattoos and the face wreaths and the Chanel is a living, breathing human being. Lady Gaga is a real, actual carbon-based life-form. A mammal. She has a full set of chromosomes. She sleeps, experiences brain activity, pumps blood, processes oxygen, poos, pees, and is susceptible to weight fluctuations. JUST LIKE YOU. And because she’s a regular person (albeit exponentially more talented and wealthy and with a far, far better closet than you and I will ever know), Lady Gaga needs food. Just like all of the rest of us Normies here on the Planet of Earth.
Read more about Lady Gaga’s ridiculous internet weight hate after the jump.
Oh. Wait… her thighs touched? HOW DARE SHE? HER MUSIC WILL NEVER GRACE MY ITUNES AGAIN! YOU WON’T CATCH ME ENJOYING HER MUSIC ANYMORE! I SIMPLY WON’T HAVE IT!
Really? Weight again? Booooooring. Our are minds really that corroded by the willful neglect of realistic body types that we fail to see the beauty of a woman like Gaga and throw stones at her like a low-rent Greek chorus if she wanted to enjoy some of Chef Art Smith’s fried chicken? Or feel the need to reduce to her (and other women) to an unrealistic body type that most women can never attain, causing some women to starve themselves, break down their once-healthy bodies or, even more tragically, die? Most real women have curves. And if they don’t, they were just born that way. Sometimes things that didn’t used to jiggle now do. Deal with it. Stop using celebrities as thinspo and go be thankful that you have a fully functioning set of organs and limbs. It’s more than many people have.
Wait, I’m not done. Like, also, how do you even have the time to give a single, solitary f*** about Lady Gaga’s weight? Maybe go read about the election or other important things that have actual real-life consequences that actually do involve you. If you can’t deal with Lady Gaga’s figure, well that’s not my problem, and it’s not Lady Gaga’s either. People who like to point out flaws in others are usually just trying to cover up the flaws in themselves. As Mother Monster herself said, “Everybody needs to take a breath, and it’s going to be OK.” So what if she gained weight? So what if she’s been smokin on Keisha? She’s still cashing out. LET A WOMAN LIVE.
And now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a bag of Doritos to tend to. Yolo.
Enjoy your day and, hopefully, your lunch.
Photo credit: Sam Yeh/ AFP