An Open Letter To Justin Bieber Regarding Barfing Onstage AND TOTALLY RALLYING!

I heard Justin Bieber puked onstage because he took down Chuck Norris.

Dear Justin Bieber,

Congrats, dude! You are officially the king of the boot and rally. As the former duchess of THAT sovereign nation (when I was in college, not, like, last week) I have to throw you a pretty hefty braVA. You kicked off your Believe tour this Saturday in Phoenix and charitably turned away from the crowd and straight-up VOMITED on stage during “Out Of Town Girl.” More like out of TUMMY! And then? You finished out the performance like a CHAMPION and politely apologized to your fans. BAWSE MOVE!

Credit is DUE, and we are GIVING it. Way to be badass, Bieber! When we feel that horrendous, we just throw on a Slanket, watch “Melrose Place” incessantly on Netflix and call in sick for a week (because just in case!!)

And you were even EFFICIENT about it. No basic beyatch dry-heaves for you. You made it count, and you didn’t act like a wuss about it. Which is so punk rock. Basically, nature called, you felt the urge, you did your biz and you didn’t miss a beat. That, my nauseated friend, is dedication.

After the show, you even tweeted about the incident, joking that “Milk was a bad choice! Lol,” later adding, “Great show. Getting better for tomorrow’s show.”

Do you want to explain to me how you manage to have swagger while you’re yakking? Also, here’s to hoping you’re feeling better. We’ll raise a glass of Milk of Magnesia to you, Justin Bieber, a real human being and a real hero.

Love,

Amber