An Open Letter To Nicki Minaj And Mariah Carey

Seriously Nicki and Mariah, this girl sh*t has to stop.

Dear HBIC (Head Barb In Charge) and Lambily CEO,

You, Nicki Minaj, and Mariah Carey, are in some real deep girl s*** right now, and it has to stop. I say this as someone who raps “Starships” out loud on the elliptical, doesn’t shut up when other people move away in disgust, AND who’s been told by the owner of an established karaoke bar to never sing “Honey” on his property again. Loyalty isn’t a question here.

Some have speculated that the Nicki and Mariah drama has been manufactured to drive buzz and ratings for “American Idol” (or Nicki’s pending E! reality show, also produced by Ryan Seacrest), but as Joy V. Behar says, “So what? Who cares?” It doesn’t matter what the motivations are — you’re still putting girl s*** out onto the Earth. Cannot. Abide. You are professionals at the height of your careers. Also, Mariah is a MOM!

While Mariah’s hired extra security to protect herself from Nicki, poor Keith Urban has to sit between them looking like a giant, beautifully streaked bowl of discomfort. Every time this happens, a straight guy on Twitter tweets “B****es be crazy.” Then that fool gets retweeted, and the nasty stereotype that women can’t keep it together continues.

That’s why we’re here for an official Buzzworthy intervention: Nicki and Mariah, neither of you be crazy. Yes, you may have your spells, but because of this dramz, people aren’t focusing on the contestants’ talent or even your talent, for that matter. You’ve each built successful pop brands (Mariah did it first, Minaj; Minaj will always be younger than you, Mariah) and quite frankly, this cattiness undermines everything you guys have worked so hard for.

So loosen your weaves, ring your assistants for a cup of chamomile tea, have Wendy Williams throw you a kiki, and when it’s time to go to work, sit at the judges’ table and smile through your teeth like the industry professionals you are.

Love,

Buzzworthy contributor Annie