10 Wilderness Survival Tips We Learned From Watching Katy Perry’s ‘Roar’ Video

Watch Katy Perry's "Roar" video!

It’s Katy Perry, filmed in Junglescope!

Although Katy Perry‘s show-closing VMA performance of “Roar” totally set us up to expect a “Rocky”-inspired look and feel to the lead Prism single’s video, last week’s teaser clip — not to mention that old Hollywood-style movie poster mock-up — presented a drastically different “Jane of the Jungle” angle. And now that she’s released the video, we see that Katy’s gone full-on queen of the jungle in the clip for “Roar.”

And, duh, we’re so into it. If anything, Katy has proven that she can werq the EFF out of a theme. “California Gurls”‘ wipped-cream fembot Candyland fantasy? “Wide Awake”‘s nightmarish hedge maze fairy tale? The intergalactic contact-making in “E.T.”? Ring, ring! Psssssst! Hey, Katy Perry, it’s for you!

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YOU’RE WONDERFUL. Thankfully, “Roar” does not disappoint, as Katy Perry not only serves up some top-shelf, Jane of the Jungle realness, but clues us in to some must-know wilderness survival tips!

Watch Katy Perry’s “Roar” video after the jump.

1.) DON’T RELY ON DOUCHEBAGS: Not to get all Liz Lemon on ya, but if your man’s more obsessed with taking selfies than rescuing you from a plane crash — that’s a dealbreakah, ladies!

Watch Katy Perry's "Roar" video!

2.) IF YOU SEE A TIGER, RUN: Feel free not to share this tip with said d-bag.

Watch Katy Perry's "Roar" video!

3.) IF COVERED IN SPIDERS, DON’T RUN: Just be a ham! Spiders hate broad comedy.

Watch Katy Perry's "Roar" video!

4.) ELEPHANTS MAKE TERRIBLE SHOWER BUDDIES: C’mon, man! BE COOL.

Watch Katy Perry's "Roar" video!

5.) HYGIENE: Don’t forget to brush! (Yourself and others.)

Watch Katy Perry's "Roar" video!

6.) DON’T GET TOO ATTACHED TO YOUR ANIMAL FRIENDS: You never know when you might need a cute new leopard-skin top.

Watch Katy Perry's "Roar" video!

7.) SAME GOES FOR SHOES: Sorry, babies, mama needs a new spear. I wiiiiill remember yoooooou…

Watch Katy Perry's "Roar" video!

8.) USE YOUR WORDS: J/K, use your super haute new D.I.Y. spear. Eat tiger sliders. Be happy.

Watch Katy Perry's "Roar" video!

9.) ADDRESS YOUR QUEENDOM: Once you’ve conquered the island’s creatures, declare your sovereignty in a manner befitting of a queen like Katy. We recommend a royal march-style rendition of Destiny’s Child‘s “Survivor,” but whatever.

Watch Katy Perry's "Roar" video!

10.) IF YOU START YELLING AT SOMEONE NAMED “JACOB”: Congratulations, you’ve officially reached the point of no return! Welcome to the island, crazy.

Watch Katy Perry's "Roar" video!

+ Watch Katy Perry’s “Roar” video.

Photo credit: EMI/ GIF: catchingperry