Grab some popcorn! It's time to enjoy Drake's obviously "Scarface"-inspired new video.
Considering that we've been Drake fans since his days at that Toronto-area community school that shall not be named, we are #veryinto the fact that our beloved Nothing Was The Same rapper used his new video for "Hold On, We're Going Home" as an opportunity to show off his acting chops.
The 7-minute-long, obviously gangster-inspired short film shows Drake living the life of an '80s throwback baller, celebrating shady business deals with his partners -- one of whom is none other than A$AP Rocky! The fun stops there in the Bill Pope-directed clip, because the iHeartRadio Music Festival performer learns that his GF has been kidnapped by Steven Bauer (of "Scarface" and "Breaking Bad" fame), and it's up to Drizzy and a couple of definitely illegal assault weapons to bring her home!
And that's not even covering all of the possible Madonna references and Cash Money time lords conspiracy theories yet that are blowing up our internal pop cultural Richter scales! C'mon, let's break down everything worth obsessing over in Drake's "Hold On, We're Going Home" video scene-by-scene, reference-by-reference, rotary phone-by-rotary phone.
1.) DON ELADIO LIVES! All you "Breaking Bad" fanatics out there will recognize season four's cartel boss Don Eladio as the big bad in Drake's clip.
(****SPOILER ALERT**** Looks like he actually survived that poisoned tequila shot and subsequent fall in the pool! Good for him.)
2.) ROTARY PHONES: OMFG, not only did people actually used to use these needlessly complicated contraptions, but when you were at a restaurant or bar, the staff would actually bring the house phone to you! Yo, rotary phones, hope you're having fun with pagers and dirigibles in outdated technology heaven!
Watch Drake's "Hold On, We're Going Home" video after the jump.
4.) SO THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED TO THE KARMIN POUF. Glad to know the li'l guy's still getting work!
5.) SO BANGERZ! Remember the cover art for Miley Cyrus' soon-to-be-released album?
From the purple and turquoise neon lights to the severe '80s Miami club styling, we feel like a "Hold On, We're Going Home (The Miley Remix)" isn't such an impossible thing to expect.
6a.) EARLY MADONNA REFERENCES GALORE! From the side-swept, blown-out hair to the sullenly smudged eyeliner -- OMG, and the single earring game, of course -- boyfriend right here (hi Johnny Simmons!!) is giving us so much "Lucky Star"-era Madge!
6b.) MORE MADONNA! And Drake's damsel in distress? We can't be the only ones who got may-jor "Like A Virgin" vibes from her lacy white lingerie.
7.) SPRING DRAKERS: Aw, we know the tone of the "Hold On, We're Going Home" video is not a great match for Harmony Korine's "Spring Breakers," but how cool would it have been if Ashley Benson and Vanessa Hudgens (and Selena Gomez, too, 'cause in my fantasy she didn't bail on everyone) stormed the baddie's fortress with Drake, pink ski masks and all?
8.) SO MUCH VIOLENCE: Oh, my goodness! Won't somebody PUH-LEEZ think of the children?!?!?!?!
We're just gonna pretend that Drizzy & Co. weren't firing real guns, but were merely using their words and firing off those "word bullets" featured in Emeli Sandé's "My Kind Of Love" video. Wait, that would mean that our heroes were being, like, super damaging to Steven Bauer's self-esteem. OK fine, boys, have yer damn guns.
9.) AND SUDDENLY IT'S MORNING: Wow, that whole "dead of night" thing gave way to a new day pretty quickly. (#SunriseWho) This leads us to the only logical explanation: Cash Money are secretly all time lords. When Lil Wayne, Nicki Minaj, and the rest of the crew combine their powers, they are able to bend time itself -- probably to speed up the release of Paris Hilton's destined-to-be-flawless comeback single, "Good Time."
Photo credit: Cash Money, Getty Images, RCA/ GIFs: Charles Goetz of MTV, imaginecigarettes.tumblr