6 Ways To Get Him To Notice You According To Alison Gold’s ‘ABCDEFG’ Video

Watch Alison Gold's "ABCDEFG" video.

Alison Gold must read ALL THE LETTERS.

Fresh from extolling the virtues of “Chinese Food,” YouTube prodigy Alison Gold is back to sew more seeds of wisdom. This time, she’s hitting us her video for “ABCDEFG,” which, in addition to reminding us of the order of the first seven letters of the alphabet, offers some super helpful tips for how to get your crush to notice you. Basically, Alison Gold is the new Mystery. Calling it.

Oh, and before we get into the Six Ways To Get Him To Notice You according to the Ian Hotchkiss and Chris Lowe-directed clip, we should note that this is the latest in entry in Patrice Wilson’s someday legendarily viral, meme-pop canon. (He plays the Mr. Rogers-y giant in “ABCDEFG,” FYI.) You can trust that the man behind in Rebecca Black‘s “Friday” knows what he’s doing.

1.) Lean in close when you talk to him.

Watch Alison Gold's "ABCDEFG" video.

So close, that he literally has to push you away.

Watch Alison Gold's "ABCDEFG" video.

Boys love the attention!

Watch Alison Gold's "ABCDEFG" video.

Get more super legit crush tips, and watch Alison Gold’s “ABCDEFG” video after the jump.

2.) You attract more flies with honey than vinegar! Stay positive, and the boys will flock to you. Say yes to life!

Watch Alison Gold's "ABCDEFG" video.

Yes to strange, windowless vans that call themselves “Wilson’s Wagon”!

Watch Alison Gold's "ABCDEFG" video.

Yes to creepily instructive welcome mats!

Watch Alison Gold's "ABCDEFG" video.

3.) Show that you care about his interests. Does he like punch?

Watch Alison Gold's "ABCDEFG" video.

Then you like punch!

Watch Alison Gold's "ABCDEFG" video.

If we learned one thing from “Grease,” it’s that you should always change yourself for a guy. Wait, that explains so many awful relationships…

Watch Alison Gold's "ABCDEFG" video.

4.) Don’t be afraid to ask your friends for help, especially if your friends include an omnipotent, Mr. Rogers-esque giant…

Watch Alison Gold's "ABCDEFG" video.

A badass Cupid figure, complete with love arrows…

Watch Alison Gold's "ABCDEFG" video.

And off-brand Muppets. Because really, WHAT CAN’T MUPPETS DO??

Watch Alison Gold's "ABCDEFG" video.

5.) Don’t be afraid to dabble in potions!

Watch Alison Gold's "ABCDEFG" video.

6.) If all else fails, turn him into Chinese food.

Watch Alison Gold's "ABCDEFG" video.

Congratulations, you’ve now successfully made Chinese food at home! Wait, what was the point of this tutorial again? Oh, right.

Watch Alison Gold's "ABCDEFG" video.

+ Watch Alison Gold’s “ABCDEFG” video.

Photo credit: Patrice Wilson