To recap: We now live in a world where the 30 Seconds To Mars frontman is not only a Golden Globe winner thanks to his role in “Dallas Buyers Club,” but an Independent Spirit Award and Oscar winner, as well! That’s, like, the tri-f***ing-fecta. Could bringing about world peace and an end to the polar vortex be next? Your mouth to
Jared’s hair God’s ear. MAZEL TOV, JARED!!!
In a sign of victory to come, our future pancake-flipping husband showed off his Independent Spirit Award on Instagram Saturday night, captioning: “Thank you so much for this incredible honor!!! #indyspirits @dallasbuyers.” But, Jared’s real prize? THAT EFFORTLESS SMIZE.
Naturally, the “Do Or Die” singer showed off one of his two 2014 Academy Awards ceremony dates on Instagram: his brother in DNA, music, and epic eyebrows, Shannon. And, the award for Smoking-est Leto brother in a supporting role goes to…
OH, LOOK. The whole Leto clan is here! Jared the Good Son brought
our future mother-in-law his mom, Constance, too! Lord, this is one facially blessed family.
Cut to the ceremony. Jared’s heartwarming acceptance speech paid tribute to his mama AND to the 36-million people who’ve lost their lives to AIDS. #MenschAlert (This is the part where our neighbors called the police because we shouted “YAAAS!!!!” so loud that the dogs barked and we fell to the floor, melting into a puddle mortal matter that spelled out: #ECHELON.)
Host Ellen DeGeneres spoke for millions in the middle of the show when she said: “Is anyone hungry?” Cue the epic Oscars pizza party! So, not only did Jared get an Oscar, but he got a free slice, too?! #Twofer
Way to hustle your face into the internet history books, Jared!
Oh, and then Jared posed with a million other A-Listers (and Lupita Nyong’o’s quick-thinking little brother) for the Greatest Group Selfie Of All Time and broke Twitter. JUST MAKIN’ HISTORY, NBD. (PS: We see you, “future ex-wife” Lupita Nyong’o. Just FYI, we’ll be Jared’s future second wife. FOR ETERNITY.)
Alright, alright, alright… Hopefully, these two celebrated bigtime.
Then, Jared got to hang with his “DBC” co-star/fellow Oscar winner, Matthew McConaughey. “Me. Matthew. Thank you. #oscars #DallasBuyersClub,” he captioned, probably right before they all took shots with Jennifer Lawrence. Also: Those two in WHITE TIE? STOP, we are blinded by the light.
Oh, the hijinks. Who can blame Jared for photobombing Anne Hathaway? (That wasn’t even Jared’s only Oscars photobomb.) Boyfriend needed to blow off steam. It was a crazy show, and we feel comforted by the fact that if Jared couldn’t celebrate it with us last night, his closest companion was a short, blank-faced, naked little man named Oscar.