In Shakira’s new “Empire” video, we see the Colombian pop superstar have a last-minute #ICANT moment at her own wedding, burn her veil, run free on the neighboring hillside, and summon magickes most fierye. (What? We’re up on our Elizabethan spelling.) Think “Runaway Bride” meets “The Sound Of Music” meets “American Horror Story: Coven.” Got it? Good.
But if there’s one thing we can’t remember to forget about the Darren Craig/Jonathan Craven/Jeff Nicholas-directed clip, it’s that the video also inadvertently serves up a bunch of life hacks (life Shaks?), which, in case you’re unfamiliar, are needlessly complicated ways to simplify your routine by shaving a few seconds off of everyday tasks. Here, we’ve broken them down into GIFs below.
1.) Never stand. Think of all the time you waste sitting down and getting back up again.
2.) Only enter a room if someone opens the door. Note: This life hack does not apply to Shakira, as she (probably) employs a workforce of 15 on her door-opening staff.
3.) Keep hands in constant motion towards your face. You’ll be ready the next time a sandwich flies by.
4.) Always look first to confirm that there is a groom waiting for you at the end of the aisle.
5.) Stop carrying flowers. You could be holding tomorrow’s outfit with those hands.
6.) Next time you sprint in a wedding gown, don’t wear shoes. Try it. You’ll see.
7.) Removing a veil and throwing it in the garbage wastes 37 valuable seconds that could be spent planning your next step in pop-music domination. Burn it off instead.
8.) Why wait for nighttime? Hold your breath until you see stars. 12 hours saved.
9.) Only wear dresses that double as bikinis. Beach day productivity increased six minutes.
10.) Keep your body in motion. Standing still is for virgins who can’t
drive multitask. Onward, pop-music domination!
11.) Alternately, look up at all times. You’ll be prepared the next time someone says, “Look up!” Two seconds saved.
12.) Practice sorcery. All other life hacks officially declared irrelevant.
Total time saved: INFINITY. Thanks, Life Shaks!
+ Watch Shakira’s “Empire” video.
Photo credit: RCA / GIFs: MTV