+ Shocking news this Tuesday: Amy Winehouse didn't record the James Bond theme for 2008's Quantam of Solace because -- <gasp> -- she was high! Hard to believe, right? (Holy Moly!)

+ No, there is not an official video out for Britney Spears' song "Kill The Lights." It's actually a fan video made by user "Britneli, the winner of "The Britney Global Fan Fiction Contest." It's kind of cute and completely pegs all of Britney's "-isms" -- it almost seems like they were ripped from the "Stronger" video: eyes squinted, hip-to-the-side stances, etc etc. Remember the "Break The Ice" video that was an official  Britney video and looked like something from Akira? (BS Weekly)

+ And no matter what the state of your personal affairs, the only thing more satisfying than a MochaSoyFrappachunkalatteheygirlhey is better than seeing photos of your fat-ass ex-husband at a golf course with other has-been celebs, NOT golfing. (Pop on the Pop)

+ Further proof that Katy Perry is in on the joke... (The Superficial)

+ The Backstreet Boys are really back, y'all. No, like for real. The last time was just bad marketing. This time they are really really back and planning to release a new CD in October (their first single "Straight Through My Heart" definitely sounds like radio will eat it up with a spoon, and there'll probably be like 19 remixes), with a European and headlining North American tour to follow. Alright?? (BackstreetBoys.com)

+ We just HAD to post this little bit of Brooke Hogan doing an autograph signing for 12 people at Wal-Mart in South Florida -- we still can't even get over the album art! WHAT A MESS! (dlisted)

+ P.S. John Mayer is up to his douchey Tweeting again, this time about how the ninth year of every decade produces really crappy music. (MTV News)

+ and no, we don't mean the 90's band Crazy Town, though that would be amazing. MTV just announced (much to Jordin Sparks' dismay) that they are bringing back hair monster Russell Brand as their host for the 2009 VMAs. (MTV)

+ ...and Taylor Swift will join Muse as slated performers at the big show, which returns to New York City's Radio City Music Hall on Sunday, September 13th at 9pm ET. (MTV News)

+ Speaking of sex, drugs, and stuff, Panic! At The Disco's Ryan Ross had absolutely NO idea that a big plate of chopped-up coke was sitting on the coffee table when he was getting his picture taken with some friends. Honestly! He was just sleeping on the couch and woke up and THERE IT WAS! Right. More like, he never went to bed and THERE IT WAS! Still sitting there from the night before!! (MTV News)

+ Just days before the U.S. premiere of the new Harry Potter movie, star Daniel Radcliffe gives a surprisingly candid (and hilarious) interview about being gay, showing his manhood on stage, and having an affair with Madonna (??). (Moviefone)

+ Amy Winehouse is back in the U.K., stepping out wearing a cute doggie sweater and a fresh set of tracks (that's hair, people. The heroin tracks are covered up by the long-sleeved doggie sweater). (Webster's Is My Bitch)

+ On the heels of gay pride here in NYC, new photos show Mariah Carey getting all tranny (and by tranny we mean Drag KING, not queen) in her new video for "Obsessed," the first single off her forthcoming album. She looks bad, people. Not gonna lie... (Cele|bitchy)

+ At a tropical resort far, far away, Amy Winehouse is rounding up all the stray dogs she can find and bringing them back to her hotel room. Does anyone have PETA's number handy? (Holy Moly!)

+ Kellie Pickler and Kid Rock dating? Please, no! So gross. (Pop On The Pop)

+ You just HAVE to see Lady Gaga's new 'do. It is so utterly and ridiculously STUPID it can only be Lady Gaga. Is it art? No. It's just Gaga. (ICYDK)

+ What the EFF has Debbie Gibson looking so good these days??? Evidently she's returning to the music scene after a 20-year absence... (Hollywoodtuna)

+ P.S. have you seen the new HUGE ring and brand-new brown hair Britney is sporting? And this time it's not even a wig (remember the Allure magazine photo shoot? I do. Because it's taped to the wall of my cube). (PopSugar)

+ In case you missed it, there was TOTAL DRAMS at last night's Much Music Video Awards in Canada. It was QUITE the spectacle: Lady Gaga had her poker face on, and she had a couple of flamethrowers for boobies.  You won't believe it. (Much Music)

+ Later on in the night, after doing an onstage bit with the Jonas Brothers and then being badgered throughout the night relentlessly by Fergie and Will.i.am of the Black Eyed Peas about saying mean things on his blog, Perez Hilton allegedly got attacked by the Peas' manager (though we're not really sure why beating up Perez Hilton would make anyone feel better). (Associated Press)

+ Meanwhile, back in the States, Beyonce/Sasha Fierce was kicking off the North American leg of her tour to a packed house at NYC's Madison Square Garden. (Socialite Life)

+ Oh. And just one day after Father's Day, Chris Brown struck a plea deal by pleading guilty to beating the crap out Rihanna back in February. A little probation and some community service? Sure. Why not? (MTV News)

+ This mom hates her life right now: (as if the Universal Music Group needs any more money), a Minnesota mother of two was just ordered by a federal jury to pay $1.92 million to several record labels for illegally sharing 24 songs online. It's like it's 2001 ALL. OVER. AGAIN. (NY Times)

+ Madonna recently doled out some unsolicited career advice to Adam Lambert: "Keep your eyes on the prize." In Madonna's case, prizes are small children in Africa. (E! Online)

+ And as we all pretty much assumed, Amy Winehouse filed papers to permanently park her bony ass in St. Lucia. Do we care?? (NME)

+ Are Aussie superstars The Veronicas in serious talks to do a U.S.-based reality show with MTV? If so, we'll totally sit with you at lunch! (news.com.au)

+  It's nice to see Adam Lambert can ease back into his former American Idol life. Last night he was seen tooling around L.A. with his supposed boyfriend Drake "Cheeks" Labry. Hard to say which set of cheeks he is nicknamed for... (Popbytes)

+ Poor Britney is being forced to continue with the European leg of her mega-grossing Circus tour against her will, or so an insider says. (MSNBC)

+ Note: Amy Winehouse wants black kids. In the meantime, she's boozing it up in St. Lucia. (Daily Mail)

+ And somewhere thousands of miles away from Amy Winehouse, super cutie Taylor Swift is not boozing it up, but probably getting embarrassed by her dad. (People)

+ While out on an Australian press tour for her new album, Kelly Clarkson skipped hair and makeup and decided to put on some jeans (instead of those horrible black flared stretch pants she's so fond of). Baby steps, Kel. Baby steps. (ICYDK)

+ The owner of the banged-up Maserati that he lent to Lindsay Lohan has listed the P.O.S. on eBay. Funny how none of the damage the car sustained is listed. (TMZ)

+ Sade is working on her first album in nine years. Excuse us while we drive home in our Chevy Astro to pick up some 2" pillar candles at Pier 1 for the bubble bath we've been waiting nine years to have. (Reuters)

+ In case you were completely and disgustingly sucked into the America's Next Top Model Cycle 12 marathon this weekend like we were and missed it, Justin Timberlake and 2009 MTV Movie Awards host Andy Samberg blew our minds on SNL with a Mother's Day treat that picked up in the same raunchy place where "D*** In A Box" left off. (MTV News)

+ So, we told you last week Friday that Amy Winehouse was going to be performing. Well, she made it to the stage and there was no fainting involved, but we don't know if you can really call it "performing." Judge for yourself (spoiler alert: it sucks). (Perez Hilton)

+ Beyonce is thinking about taking some time off after she finishes touring. Time off as in two. years. (Seriously? OMG! WTF?)

+ Much to the chagrin (LOVE that word) of our Senior Editor, it seems not a day goes by that we don't talk about Lady GaGa and her silly (and sexy) antics. This time, however, we're not just talking about our "Lady" in waiting, we're talking about rap's Royal Highness Queen Latifah, who recently laid down a verse or two on top of GaGa's radio-saturating hit "Poker Face." Whaddaya think? (Popbytes)

+ Finally, some Rihanna news that doesn't involve leaked photos (police file, nudie, or otherwise). At last Friday's 3rd Annual DKMS Gala, uber-hottie RiRi honored a five-year-old girl named Isabelle whose mission it was to save her best friend Jasmina from leukemia. Rihanna was genuinely moved to tears and helped shed light on Jasmina's fight, ultimately helping to find two bone marrow donors for the little girl. (Access Hollywood)

+ Nick Cannon was apparently more than wild n' out about a leaked record from Eminem's forthcoming album. (Em namechecks Nick and Mariah Carey, along with a few choice expletives). We can't tell what's worse: Nick trying to be a tough guy or Eminem's cheesy lyrics.  (MTV News)

+Something tells us that if Fergie isn't willing to slow to down to give Josh Duhamel a babezorz, there are a MILLYUN guhls who would KILL for that job. Tick tock, Fergs. You better step it up! (Hollywood Rag)

+ Check out this new song by Cobra Starship featuring Gossip Girl's Leighton Meester AND co-written by American Idol's Kara DioGuardi. We're not mad at it -- it's kind of cute, and to be honest, we sanction just about anything that's comes out of the mouth of Cobra lead singer Gabe Saporta. <LICKITY LICK> (RyanSeacrest.com)

+ Yesterday, we told you about the mini version of Beth Ditto. Now, a new single off The Gossip's forthcoming album Music For Men has just dropped, called "Heavy Cross." B Ditts, we heart ye. (Tripwire)

+ Never mind that Britney released "Blackout" two years ago, and that the song "Radar" was featured not only on that album but also on her most recent album "Circus" -- the song will now be her next single. Wonder if she's going to make a video for it? (Dean Kelly)

+ Uh oh. Amy Winehouse is scheduled to perform in St. Lucia today. Do you think our favorite thirsty turtle will make it all the way through without fainting? (People)

+ Nudie photos are all the rage these days.  First there were Cassie's nibbly bits on parade. Now, is that really Rihanna? Her bum looks all sorts of hot, but that don't mean you should go snappin' pics of it! (The Blemish)

+ After battling cancer for eleven long years, Adam Cook (brother of American Idol winner David Cook) lost the fight on Saturday. Our thoughts are with the entire Cook family during this time. (People)

+ A morsel of (un)shocking news "came out" this weekend:  P!nk is -- wait for it -- BISEXUAL! <GASP!> (News Of The World)

+ If you ever thought your parents were weird, we guarantee that your mom wasn't playing "Naked Twister" while you had your friends over after school. Hot/Dirty Transformers star Shia LaBeouf's mom, however, was. P.S. and if he could marry his mother, he would! How 'bout THEM coconuts?? (Gabby Babble)

+ While her record label gets its s*** together, we applaud singer JoJo for deciding to take the bull by the horns and enroll at Boston's Northeastern University. She's double majoring in International Affairs and Anthropology, and no, she's not putting her career on hold. (Singersroom)

+ O.M.G. if you haven't already heard, some fanboy rushed the stage at Britney's concert at Mohegan Sun Arena in CT this weekend and tried to dance with her! We secretly applaud his valiant effort but remind everyone that what she does up there can't really be classified as dancing. It's more "softshoe." (IDLYITW)

+ Amy Winehouse was rushed to an emergency room in St. Lucia, where it was determined she was suffering from "dehydration." She doesn't seem to be a person that was ever "hydrated," does she? (PopCrunch)

+ Happy One Year Grossiversary, Mariah and Nick! Here's to hoping someone went "traditional" and gave you some paper masks while we ride this Piggy Flu out. (Seriously? OMG! WTF?)

+ Madonna and daughter Lourdes were among the celebs in attendance at Lady GaGa's NYC concert at Terminal 5 this past Friday. We're not sure how it could have topped her recent Philly show where she showed her cha-cha to the crowd, but... (PopCrunch)

+ Here are some new pix of P!nk, looking mighty fine with her ever-elusive "sex cuts" on the sides ("ever-elusive" to us because because we don't ever get our ass to the gym). (The Blemish)

+ Amy Winehouse recently left a trail of tears around a hotel pool in St. Lucia, first streaking topless while mumbling lots of crazy, then riding around every which way on horseback. (Daily Mail)

+ Speaking of riding the white horse, Samantha Ronson posted this pic of her very own "coke cake" on Twitter. Wonder if you can special order those from Baskin Robbins or...  (Gabby Babble)

+ In case the current economic clime hasn't taken its toll on your fanny pack and you've got an extra 500 bucks to blow, Britney's got a "Toxic VIP Tour Package" that will blow. your. mind. (Britney Spears Blackout)

+ Tuesday lolz:  Kim Kardashian's ass gets tore UP by Eminem (and then stuffed into a woodchipper), and she acts like she doesn't mind. (US Magazine)

+ Kelly Clarkson jokingly talks about shooting the video for her next single "I Do Not Hook Up," which involves her crawling "across a table attempting to be sexy in a fantasy." (Kelly Clarkson's Official Blog)

+ A few days ago we talked about some truly amazing pics of Robert Pattinson circa 12 years old, looking well, 12.  Now, we give you a more grown-up version.  In a mesh tank with armpit hair. (E! Online)

+ Possibly celebrating her last season on The Hills, Lauren Conrad and her boyfriend Kyle Howard let loose on the beach.  (Socialite Life)

+ Much to her record label's chagrin, Island girl Amy Winehouse has sworn off her trademark sultry soul sound for her next album and has instead adopted a more doob-friendly Reggae flavor. As long as it doesn't have the meth-y fresh tingle, who cares? (The Sun)

+ The Lonely Island boys (Andy Samberg, Akiva Schaffer, and Jorma Taccone) were recently named to Details' list of "mavericks." And no. Sarah Palin had nothing to do with it. Thank God. (Details)

+ Hollywood darling Anne Hathaway has been tapped to bring Judy Garland's life to the big screen.  (Pop Crunch)

+ Meanwhile, Lindsay Lohan is busy crashing her brand-new Maserati into something stationary. (Radar Online)

+ Fergie's keeping her lady lumps and her baby bumps separate, at least until after her tour with the Black Eyed Peas. (Us Magazine)

+ Speaking of lady lumps and taking dumps, can anyone remember a time ever when Scarlett Johansson wasn't pushing those things in our face? Whatever happened to actually putting models on the cover of Vogue?? (Pretty Boring)

+ Have you seen this sneak peek of The Hills Season Five and all the gloriousness that is Audrina and Brody kind of macking it?? (Remote Control)