What's that, Ke$ha? We could barely hear you over the that-girl-in-class-squirming-with-her-hand-up-in-the-air noises you were making over there. You're on the music industry's equivalent of the honor roll right now -- we totally see your name written up there in bright blue lipstick. All that AND you tackle themes including a liquor that makes us wretch, cannibals and rabid animals. I mean, check your list of super-achievements in the past year:
1) Ke$ha's "Get Sleazy" tour is SOLD THE HELL OUT.
2.) Marc-Edouard Leon, L.A. director behind some of Ke$ha's viral and tour videos recently told the Los Angeles Times, which ran a feature about her, that she's reviving everything that was great about rock & roll: the libido, the rebelliousness, the excess and the fun.
3.) She's got a writing credit on Britney Spears' new single "Till the World Ends" in addition to a laundry list of her self-penned album tracks and work for Miley Cyrus and others.
One thing's for certain: You R Who You R, Ke$ha. TheLA Times thinks so, and we think so. Here's to your success in "running this town just like a club," but underneath the roadkill jacket is a total overachiever who's got her ish together. We'll drink some (virgin) Jack to that.
Credit: Getty Images
Hey Britney Spears,
You say you DON'T want to lose control (calorically speaking), and lady, we TOTALLY feel that. We love that on your upcoming tour, you've banned junk food, essentially imposing a restraining order on cookie dough ice cream, along with hot dogs and pizza. You're basically declaring some of our favorite foods "toxic." It's you against the music against a meat lover's pizza against cheesy breadsticks. Britney Spears, you are JUST LIKE US! If we're within a nautical mile of cookie dough ice cream, we start getting the vapors. Sometimes we skip the rice aisle at the supermarket because just seeing Uncle Ben's name reminds us of JERRY, and suddenly we're bringing three empty cartons of ice cream to the cash register. (Don't laugh, dear reader. You KNOW you've done it too.) We've also been known to buy a cylinder of the Pillsbury stuff straight up with all the intent in the world to bake it, until we get one whiff and of the open package and proceed to consume half of it before anyone's noticed, just narrowly avoiding salmonella. UGH. WHY DO THEY MAKE RAW COOKIE DOUGH SO DELICIOUS!??!
HOOOO boy. Where were we? RIGHT, you've effectively declared those goodies DTY (dead to you), and we're impressed with your outta sight/outta mind diet regimen. And isn't the acronym WWBD (What Would Britney Do) the mantra we should all be following? IT IS). Maybe we can go together to test out Slimmons Studio for some light cardio together? I'll listen to my iPod chock-full of Britney and you can listen to your inner monologue (same thing)?
Yours in fitness and celery stix,
Credit: Getty Images
Guys, we ask you: Does this look like the face of a criminal?
Lindsay Lohan has been sentenced to 120 days of jail time at Lynwood Correctional Facility for probation violation.
The star of the upcoming "Gotti" film was sentenced to 120 days in jail after violating her parole.
Lindsay, who was accused of stealing a $2,500 necklace from a Venice, California, jewelry store in January, has also been ordered to to complete 480 hours of community service; 360 of those hours must be performed at the Downtown Women's Center, and the remaining 120 hours will be served at the L.A. County morgue.
Lindsay! While we hope the community service will serve you well, we confess that we wish we could take a time machine back to the era when "exhaustion" was your biggest issue. When instead of jail, you went to the serenely named Promises to regain control and a zen outlook on life. Just think, if Regina George doesn't have patience for anyone failing to wear pink on Wednesdays, what would she say about a prison-issued jumpsuit? We're hoping that you lock it up (this questionable behavior) literally AND figuratively and get back on track.
We're rooting for you, Lindsay.
Credit: Wireimage, Getty Images
Dear Nick Carter,
Um, way to go on your majorly impressive weight loss of 65 POUNDS. You are no longer Larger Than Life in that sense of the phrase. That's some Jared of Subway stuff right there.
We give you props for overcoming your ten-year addiction to drugs and alcohol and getting clean, sober, and healthy. Your solo album, slated to debut on May 24 may be titled I'm Taking Off, featuring the single, "Just One Kiss," and we give you credit for taking it ALL off -- all 65 pounds of it healthfully, through diet and exercise. You've proved once and for all that not food, nor alcohol, nor drugs are your fire NOR your one desire. Why? Because you Want It That Way. We totally think Lady Gaga would let you achieve your not-so-secret goal of kissing her. Looking good, Carter! We look forward to your seeing your new svelte bod on tour with NKOTBSB.
Credit: Getty Images
What goes around comes around! He hasn't hosted "Saturday Night Live" since May 9, 2009, but guess who's bringing "SexyBack" to the sketch comedy show for its season finale on May 21? Justin Timberlake, that's who! The newly single actor/singer will return to "Saturday Night Live"'s hallowed set for the fourth time.
"The Social Network" star is just as well known for his partnership with object of our desire Andy Samberg on "D*** In A Box," "Single Ladies" and "Mother Lover." We especially adore JT's cameo in "Jizz in my Pants" as the disapproving janitor mopping up aisle 3 when Jorma Taccone "needed a few things from the grocery" and wound up getting far too aroused by the checkout girl Jamie-Lynn Sigler while "paying by check."
We imagine Justin Timberlake will likely be promoting his upcoming flick Friends With Benefits starring Mila Kunis pretty hard on the show, but we can handle a little of that in exchange for some of his hilarious improv and musical shorts. We anticipate his success on the finale leading to his achieving the ever-prestigious "five-timer" SNL status in the coming season. "SNL," we know this "just can't be summer love." You'll see.
And as if that weren't enough to constitute some serious must-see TV, Lady Gaga has been confirmed as the musical guest for the same show. She last appeared on "Saturday Night Live" in 2009. Not to state the totally obvious, but this is an A-list "SNL" dream team. Set your DVRs, Buzzworthy readers!
One thing you can consistently say about Lady Gaga is that she pretty much ALWAYS boldly goes where no one has gone before.
This time, she's boldly going on the May 2011 cover of Harper's Bazaar (and in a fabulously sci-fi photo spread within the magazine, as well). And we love the Vulcan-chic sci-fi cheekbones and Queen Amidala mole she's rocking on the cover. Pink hair bleached-out eyebrows, sharp taupe nails complement a crazy-hot dress with cutaways that Star Trek: The Next Generation counselor Deanna Troi would definitely rock for a Starship Enterprise formal event.
Credit, all photos: Terry Richardson for Harper's Bazaar
In another photo within the Bazaar spread, shot by Terry Richardson, Gaga crawls catlike, nearly naked, on top of a magical-looking mirrored grand piano (parenthetically, we may not have dropped our piano lessons if you'd gotten us one like THAT to practice on, MOM) wearing some small lingerie, fishnets and what look like unbelievably sexy high-heeled nurse's shoes (how'd she make nurse shoes look hot??). There's also one of Gaga wearing what appears to be a ton of monarch butterflies as a dress and headdress, respectively. Last, there's a photo of Gaga in a goth, sheer black gown holding onto a chandelier. This outfit effectively answers the question we know you've long been asking -- "But what would Elvira or Morticia Addams wear to her wedding in Transylvania?"
Lest you think otherwise, this spread indicates that Lady Gaga is CERTAINLY no drag -- she's just a queen.
Live long and prosper, Gaga.
The May 2011 issue of Harper's Bazaar, featuring Lady Gaga hits newsstands April 26.
In a move that will shock exactly no one, Katy Perry looks STUNNING once again.
She's partnered with hair styling brand GHD on a multimedia global campaign. We'll tell YOU something. Having Katy Perry's raven hair as the image representing something we can go out and buy and attempt (yes, maybe in vain) to channel the epic nature of Katy's hair is a pretty genius marketing move. The campaign was creatively conceived by GHD, Katy Perry's stylist Johnny Wujek and shot by famed photographer David LaChapelle.
Katy rocks three distinct looks in the new ads. In her "New Wave" photo, Katy looks very, well, Katy Perry in a form-fitting California Gurl ensemble in vibrant colors usually reserved for Bubbalicious gum. Her softly curled hair tumbles down over her shoulders, looking SO major as she lounges poolside.
The second look is more glamorous. Katy's lounging on a bed wearing a peach gossamer dress with a rhinestone-studded belt we'd like to borrow for our next special event, in a room decorated with flowers. She looks as if she LITERALLY stopped, collaborated and listened (to paraphrase the sage Vanilla Ice), as there's a dropped phone on the bed next to her.
There's a boho theme, which features Katy looking the very portrait of gorgeous, despite that she's splayed across a divan with the plastic over it the way my immigrant grandmother sits on hers. It's all very, "Oh, I'm just sitting around testing out Nicole Richie-style headbands waiting for the paint guy to get here. NO BIG!"
Oh, beautiful beautiful Katy Perry. You could sell us half-eaten apples, and we'd pay double for them.
Credit: Lester Cohen/WireImage
HEY GURL! We're so glad you're back to dominating 97 percent of our conversations since your Femme Fatale album dropped. All the news that's Fit To BRIT, that's our journalistic motto here at Buzzworthy.
So, Us magazine asked if you'd ever get married, to which you responded "Maybe... Never say never." (!!!!!!!!! Also, nice Bieber reference!) And we want to first say braVA for letting that little Easter egg slip on the day after your ex-husband Kevin Federline clawed his way out of the clutches of obscurity to announce he's having yet another baby. WhatEVERLINE.
OK! Let's say you and Jason Trawick DO get married! Yay! A wedding to plan! We'll help! Here are all of the Britnified things we'd like to SEE at that wedding, should you have one, 'kay? KAY. Allow us to enumerate them below. No big, you know. We're just brainstorming.
1.) At the reception, when they announce Mr. and Mrs. Trawick and you walk out for your first OFFICIAL MR. AND MRS. MOMENT, you should totally be wearing a snake, like at the 2001 VMAs.
2.) Any wedding dress concept that pays homage to your paying homage to Madonna by dressing up as a "Like A Virgin" bride at the 2003 VMAs would be greatly appreciated.
3.) Also at the reception, could you possibly reprise your karaoke moment in Crossroads (which we may or may not have gone to see opening day in the theater and own on DVD)? The one where you sang Joan Jett's "I Love Rock And Roll"?
4.) Now I know this is getting granular, but we'd appreciate a beauty concept that mirrors that of your CRAZY hot Out magazine cover.
You don't have to make us a bridesmaid. You don't even have to invite us with a DATE. We're like, totally cool with flying solo to your nuptials.
Totally wedding appropriate!
P.S.: PLEASE MAKE US A BRIDESMAID!!!!
The former Mr. Britney Spears, Kevin "Fertile-line" Federline confirmed to Us Magazine that he and girlfriend Victoria Prince are expecting a baby girl this summer. They plan to name her Jordan.
Which leads us to wonder: Is there some kind of cosmic force related to having a name that sounds dangerously close to the word "fertile" that propels one into a life of baby making? There must be, right? Does "PopoZão" translate to "tons of babies"?
In case you've lost count, this latest bundle of joy will be Kevin Federline's fifth child. He'll never have to worry about having to recruit members to join a baseball team, should he ever realize a dormant urge to start up a squad. He and Britney Spears share sons Preston, 5, and Jayden, 4; he and ex-girlfriend Shar Jackson have a daughter Kori, 8, and son Kaleb, 6.
We're somewhat miffed that the initial murmurings of Kevin Federline's next baby came last Tuesday, March 29, i.e. BRITNEY DAY, aka Femme Fatale Day. But we congratulate Kevin and Victoria on their impending arrival and wish them the very best. But guys? In the future, we wish you'd hold off maybe a week or two on any and all major life-changing news after a years-long hiatus so as not to steal your ex-flame's thunder on the day of her new album AND first "GMA" performance in years. Do we sound bitter? We're not. (OK. Maybe a little bitter.)
The only thing better than NKOTB (New Kids On The Block), as you know, is NKOTBSB (New Kids On The Block + Backstreet Boys). In fact, the 1988 version of us is sort of swooning in our oatmeal right now, because 2011 us is actually listening to the new NKOTBSB song "Don't Turn Off The Lights Now" WHILE we catch up on what's been going on with Jessica and Elizabeth Wakefield in the just-released Sweet Valley Confidential. It's a perfect storm of decades past, and we are LOVING it.
“Don’t Turn Off the Lights” was first previewed in December to fans aboard the Backstreet Boys cruise, and now the track has finally been released. Though the two boy bands have been touring together since last year, this song is their first collaborative effort.
"Don't Turn Off The Lights Now" has a pure pop beat, and the two respective boy bands' voices blend so seamlessly, it's hard to remember there was, indeed, a seam between them. Employing our hard-hitting journalism skillz, we're pretty sure we could discern the voice of Backstreet Boy Brian Littrell, who starts off the song. Our well-honed Joey McIntyre radar (once a Joey Girl, always a Joey Girl) identifies him singing, "Just when I think it through" in the second verse. The lyrics maintain that singularly boy-band quality of translating romantic sentiments into "let's-go-a-courtin'" language every pubescent girl dreams of. In other words, it's everything we want it to be. And more.
+ Listen to NKOTBSB's "Don't Turn Off The Lights Now."