Today our mission is to rewrite the list of the cheesiest, most ridiculous prom songs ever. Some of them will be wonderful. Others, just plain terrible. But none of them will be Chris DeBurgh's "Lady In Red." Why in the world are they still playing that slop at prom? It's the romantic equivalent of "The Hokey Pokey." And while we're at it, are you familiar with the mind-boggling lyrics of Eric Clapton's unkillable prom wrecker, "Wonderful Tonight"? Read them and weep:
We go a party/ And everyone turns to see/ This beautiful lady/ Thats walking around with me/ And then she asks me/ Do you feel alright?/ And I say, Yes. I feel wonderful tonight.
Unreal, right? Are prom DJs living underground?? Do they work for your parents?!? It's appalling. But, bad as cheesy prom ballads can be, they play an important role in our culture. Without "Lady In Red," can you imagine how many boring old people would never have fallen in love? That is why I offer you the following cheeseballs. So that maybe we can get through our lives and still fall in love, without ever hearing "Lady In Red" or "Wonderful Tonight," ever again.
+ "Truly Madly Deeply," by Savage Garden
One of the first questions I ask when judging a prom song is, "Does this amazing love ballad inspire me to ball both of my hands into fists, hold them out in front of my face and sing along with my eyes closed really tight?" Savage Garden is a major "YES." This means that it packs the emotional wallop of a Creed video without bumming you out by being a Creed video.
+ "Thunder," by Boys Like Girls
Your voiiiiiiice! Oh MAN! If you're already slow-dancing face-to-face when the epic chorus of this new-school tear-jerker hits and you don't make out, check your chest for a heart.
+ "Kiss From A Rose," by Seal
This song was meant to be heard outside in the pouring rain. For chicks, it's the ultimate, because all of them dream of making out with Batman. Bonus points for including "Kiss" in the title.
+ "Imma Put It On Her," by Day26
Subtlety is great, but sometimes you gotta just cut right to the chase. Day26 pull no punches on this prom-ready, perv-out, egging on the shiest of dancers with lines like, "Booty bumpin’ like the sounds in my car (she should)/ Let me take it up a notch/ Get her off the block/ Take her to my spot and it’s on!"
+ "Can You Feel The Love Tonight?" by Timon, Pumbaa, Simba, Nala and Jungle Chorus
As a prom ballad, "Can You Feel The Love Tonight" is interchangeable with any Disney love theme of the past 20 years ("Did you ever hear the wolf cry at the blue corn moon?," anyone?). This one's only downfall is that it's not sung by Peabo Bryson, who, if cheesy love songs had their own country, would be a shoo-in for President. Its greatest asset: inclusion of the word "vagabond," which, let's face it, is one of the world's most romantic words.
+ "Let Me Love You," by Mario
Dudes. No matter how bad of a scrub you are, when Mario's bumping hard out of the PA, you become righteous just by association (although if you're really bad it may have the opposite effect). Look: "If I was your man, baby you'd/ Never worry 'bout what I do/ I be comin' home back to you/ Every night, doing you right." On top of that, this beat could make a corpse do a neckpop. See also: The Remix.
+ Get more cheesy prom songs after the jump!
Read More...
Tags All-4-One, Bow Wow, Boys Like Girls, Chris DeBurgh, Cutting Crew, Day26, Elton John, Eric Clapton, Green Day, Jonas Brothers, Lifehouse, Mario, Peabo Bryson, prom, Sarah McLachlan, Savage Garden, Seal, The Jonas Brothers, Vitamin C
This clip from the 
21st Century Breakdown is 18 brand-new tracks of 
It's hard to imagine there was ever a time when 