(Credit: Pacific Coast News, via Dailymail.co.uk)

+ Amy Winehouse: running on E while smoking in the park with Kristian Marr, who was arrested for sleeping in her garage last night. Got all that? (Dailymail.co.uk)

+ Miley Cyrus teaming up with John Travolta might be an even worse idea than “teaming up” with Grampy Hefner. (Dotspotter)

+ Flyleaf discusses tour fatigue and their upcoming album. (Blabbermouth)

+ Mariah Carey divulges wedding details on Ellen. (I’m Not Obsessed)

+ Next stop on the Jonas Brothers’ World Domination Tour ‘08: JB in 3D! (Fan Bolt)

+ Travis McCoy cut his hair! OMG OMG OMG HE’S SO EFFIN’ HAWTTTT! (Traviesblog)

+ Speaking of Travis… groom-to-be Pete Wentz thinks Panic At the Disco’s “Nine In the Afternoon” is about herb. (Bwaaaaah?) (MTV)

+ Nicole Scherzinger loses points on the dismount. (Celebslam)

+ Silly rabbit! Tegan and Sara’s “Walking With a Ghost” is for kids! (NY Mag)

Pull up a chair, a queen-sized hankie and a bottle of something strong, and the then prepare to spend the rest of the day hitting “forward” on this story until your precious little eyeballs and fingers go numb and threaten to detach themselves from your body.

Fellow blogger Colin, who runs the show over at the New Now Next blog, basically has a direct line to Paula Abdul. He’s interviewed her several times, he’s shared a car with her, and he even got flowers and a hand-written note from the woman. (We love-hate you Colin!)

He also the most extraordinary, most epic, most vintage Paula interview we have ever read in our lives. It’s long, it’s strong, it’s strange, and it’s worth every minute you’re gonna spend reading every word of it. Trust us on that one.

In the interview, an unbelievably verbose Paula tells a rapt Colin (seriously, there’s like a 98:2 ratio of her words to his) all about Castrogate and what really happened that night. She also slams the show’s producers and accuses them of using her as a scapegoat, basically claims that her powers of reinvention trump that of Madonna’s… and then… she cries. Like there’s no tomorrow, she cries.

Read all of New Now Next’s interview with Paula Abdul. And Colin, if she sends you a Birkin bag or something, we’re gonna have to hate you for real. (JK! Love you!)

The other day, while heading out of Camp Buzzworthy to grab a Coke Zero at our local Duane Reade (and by the way, absolutely no one paid us to blog about Coke Zero — beside the iPod, it is unequivocally the greatest invention of the millennium… also of note: the “egg and muffin” maker), we first ran into Jabbawockeez, who were in town for the MTV upfronts (basically a huge business meeting full of celebs). They were easy to spot because they were wearing jerseys that say “Jabbawockeez.”

Next, we encountered the 20-some-foot likeness of the new (old) New Kids on the Block, who are hangin’ tough on a billboard in the heart of Times Square. So, we quickly took a shot while doing that thing where you try to look overly casual and act like you’re doing whatever you’re actually doing, but by doing so you end up being totally obvious about what you’re trying too hard to look like you’re not doing.

Regardless, the new New Kids aren’t releasing their new album until later this summer (Boston.com has info on a few of the tracks), but bloggers like Dave over at Popdose already predicts that their new single, “Summertime” — which they’ll be performing live on the Today show on Friday, May 16 — will be a “super blockbuster summer hit.” And speaking of blogging, the New Kids themselves have been getting all Web 2.0 (ok, more like 1.5, but still…) over on their official site.

Anyway, dudes are looking and sounding pretty alright for being out of the game for so long. But still, all of you old-school fans who swore you’d be loving NKOTB forever: do you still really mean it two decades later?

PS: If anyone wants to send us free Coke Zero, we wouldn’t be mad at you.

Apparently Shia LaBeouf narrowly missed a near tragic career killer: turns out “the Motherf—king LaBeouf” wanted to be a rapper. Fortunately the Clark Gable lookalike realized he sucked, and his own good instincts precluded him from crip walking his way to Bad Idea Jeans.

LeB, starring in the next Indiana Jones flick will get you the guest spot on Saturday Night Live — which he’s hosting tomorrow. Rapping like Kevin Federline will not. Dotspotter has the story.

You either loathe M.I.A.’s breakdancer-meets-beach-bum style, or you want to raid her closet. Lucky for those in the latter style set, the Sri Lankan-Brit singer is launching her own clothing line so that you too can dress like a sunshower-drenched human highlighter/ L Train commuter.

M.IA., who’s modeled for Marc Jacobs, told WWD that the collection of boldly colored, graphic-printed bomber jackets, t-shirts and leggings will be bright enough so that “if you lose it or someone steals it, you can see it from miles away and you can be like, ‘Oy! Give me my shirt back!’” So perhaps she sensed your larcenous envy.

For those of you more inclined to dress like your favorite gossip blogger, Perez Hilton is about to launch his own line of hoodies, accessories and flip-flops, which will be sold primarily at… Hot Topic.

+ Bonus: M.I.A. photos and our her most stylish videos:

Quelle timing! Mariah just got married AND dropped a brand-new video, “Bye Bye.” But with all the hype and official documents and WTF-inducing aspects of the entire stunt real, actual wedding, it’s easy to forget that this is a song about death. Bummer.

The video features a photo montage of Mimi with music’s fallen heroes — Luther Vandross, Pavarotti, O.D.B. — plus late family, friends and her dog, Jack, (sad!), interspersed with shots of Mariah in a bikini (slinky!), and fake-paparazzi footage of Nick Cannon and Mariah, which led to their actual whirlwind wedding in the Bahamas. (Confusing! Happy!)

Sorry, Jason Castro. Your Care Bear stare, P.O.D.-lite dreads, creepy Donny Osmond smile, paper-thin voice and lido-deck steez were simply not enough to keep you in the running to be America’s Next Karaoke Idol. Your leaving means David Archuleta’s odds of winning just went from probable to eye-rollingly obvious. Archuleta — and his fleet of Blythe-like dolls — is, after all, the Obama of this year’s Idol.

But, you don’t have to take my word for it. Watch Jim Cantiello’s 60-second take of last night’s American Idol ep.

We, along with half the New York area’s population of 8-to-24-year-olds (and a couple moms) went to the Honda Civic Tour last night at Roseland Ballroom and caught Motion City Soundtrack and Panic At the Disco. We also took our crappy camera, and, accordingly, we have the crappy photos to prove it. (More pix after the jump.)

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People is reporting that a laryngitis-plagued Avril is the latest singer to cancel concerts on account of a weak voice. (Insert name of your least-favorite singer here for a joke that totally writes itself!) After Tokio Hotel singer Bill Kaulitz underwent emergency surgery in March to remove a cyst from his vocal cords, and Jordin Sparks suffered serious vocal cord drama, losing your voice is quickly becoming the new yes-no pregnancy. (Which is about to be replaced by the are-they-or-aren’t-they marriage.)

+ Relevant video:

Not since our 19-year-old cat rapidly deteriorated before our eyes, ending in a one-way trip to the vet, has it been so painful to watch something so fragile take a speeding nose dive into a deep pool of disaster. And we’re not just talking about Paula.

Last night the American Idol exit door swung open yet again, and this time it hit Brooke’s ass. (And that had to have hurt on so many levels.) The bleating, batty hopeful was the latest Carrie Underwood-wannabe sent packing on Idol.

Sorry, Brooke, but there always has been and only ever will be room in our hearts for just one singing nanny, and that’s Mary Poppins. And you, my dear, are no Julie Andrews.

Smell the fear and tears with Jim Cantiello’s (PATENTED!) 60-second Idol recap:

+ More relevant crying-related videos after the jump:

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