No, not Justin TIMBERLAKE... Justin GUARINI... Remember? American Idol's first-ever runner-up, who cleared the paths for future runners-up like Clay Aiken and David Archuleta, both of whom would go on to totally eclipse him to degrees so extreme it's almost preposterous? THAT Justin Guarini! With the broccoli-shaped hair!

Well, while pulling photos for my epic Grammys fashion recap, I noticed that Justin Guarini was AT THE GRAMMYS, people! The 2009 Grammys. I know it's hard to believe he wasn't nominated, but he actually is still doing music... COUNTRY music. He's on the CMT show Gone Country 3, which means he's, um, gone country. I wish him all the luck in the world, but I also wish I had a copy of From Justin To Kelly to watch... Wait a second! I've got 99 cents!

Perhaps I should've attempted to adjust my TV, but aside from that T.I., M.I.A., Jay-Z, Wayne hip-hop all-stars performance and Coldplay's ongoing Fisher-Price-meets-Sgt. Pepper troop trope (yaaaaaaaawwwwwwnnn... and I DID NOT need to see that much of Chris Martin's treasure trail!) the 2009 Grammys might as well have been broadcast in black and white.

From the Jonas Brothers, to Miley Cyrus and Taylor Swift and even Kid Rock (who usually doesn't leave the house unless it's in something that demonstrates his affinity for a BeDazzler and a pound or two of rhinestones) kept it a funereal black and white, though they all pulled it off with elegant panache. In short, aside from the few mod metallics, and Katy Perry, the 2009 Grammys were all about sobering, somber chic! For real, I thought I was going temporarily colorblind.

Anyway, let's get to it!

Jonas Brothers: True, the Jonas Brothers didn't win the Grammy they were up for, but getting to share a stage with Stevie Wonder was prize enough, IMO. Fashion-wise, their red carpet tuxedo trio was pretty much what you'd expect from the capable hands of stylist Michelle Tomaszewski. My favorite was Nick Jonas' head-to-toe black Burberry suit. Kevin Jonas' Versace suit subtly set him apart as the elder statesmen of the three. Joe's metallic Versace jacket was a little too Vegasy for my tastes, but I always appreciate that he takes fashion risks. Also, BTW, did you see Denise? WOAH, mama, she looked amazing! As for the Jonas Brothers' performance looks: Nick was in Dior, and I LOVED that his look was a little bit Danny Zucko in Grease, less the schmaltz, a little bit James Dean, a tiny bit old-school Faith-era George Michael, and a WHOLE LOT grown up. Honestly, Joe's performance look wasn't doing THAT much for me. Don't get me wrong -- he looked perfect as always, but Nick really stood out so much that he overshadowed Joe, who could've gone a little farther than just the ripped Requel Allegra tee and Dior vest and jeans. By the way, that eye-popping necklace was by Swiss designer Avakian, and while I'm sure it was stunning in person, it distracted on screen (Was it a cassette tape? A jeweled cracker? Bingo card? Billion-dollar iPod? No clue!) and took away from his Mick Jagger swagger. It would've made more sense for Joe to wear a fitted jacket, especially with Kevin all like "Oh hai, I'm just over here nailing this performance and coming out with a 3D movie and a TV show and we're gonna be on Saturday Night Live and everything" in a swish Versace suit. But back to the Jonas Brothers' performance: Not just ANYBODY gets to cover "Superstition," and this performance completely put the Jonas Brothers on the map... for the two people whose maps the Jonas Brothers weren't already on. Seriously though, that performance was icon-status-sealing and could finalize their move out of the teen-pop mold; it showed skeptics that the Jonas Brothers aren't just bubblegum, they can (for the trilllionth time!) play their own instruments, command a stage, and extend their reach beyond a youth-only audience.

Miley Cyrus and Taylor Swift: Miley wore an original Herve Leger by Max Azria dress on the red carpet. Had it been just plain black, it would've been a bit boring, but the bejeweled bodice, criss-cross straps and stacks of bangles kept it fresh, and the massive rosette kept it from being "just another black dress," and though the length was a little overwhelming, the shape was amazingly flattering. Taylor Swift drove home the "we're besties" message in a Kaufman Franco black jersey dress with patent leather detailing. Gotta say: both dresses were way too long. Take a cue from Carrie Underwood and show a little leg while they're still amazing! You can't fault Miley or Taylor for appearing adult while playing the good role model role, but I wouldn't have minded either dress in a more youthful color, like a jewel tone. Also, I can't say I loved either's performance outfit, Miley's especially. Jeans at the Grammys? I know it's not the Oscars, but it's not the CMAs either. (Sorry, CMT!) That top looked like Liza Minnelli's cast-off. Bring back the cute!

Katy Perry: I liked that Katy Perry was strictly business on the red carpet -- her pink dress was by Lebanese designer Basil Soda -- and party on stage, where she chose to wear every color ever in her salute to Carmen Miranda. Her costume was by The Blonds, and her "I Kissed a Girl" performance made me feel like I was trapped inside a pachinko machine. And I kinda liked it.

Jennifer Hudson: Okay, I just need to say it: That white asymmetrical bib on Jennifer Hudon's color-blocked sculptural RM by Roland Mouret Trenet dress made her look like she had an emergency pre-Grammy root canal and forgot to take off the bib. However, I loved her midnight blue shoes. Also, Jennifer Hudson can do whatever she wants because she had the worst year ever and her talent knows know bounds. The black sequined dress she wore during her performance of "You Pulled Me Through" was stellar stuff, and the flamenco-style hair and earrings were really all she needed to complete the portrait-of-the-young-woman-as-a-pure-powerhouse look.

Sara Bareilles: Speaking of pink, Sara Bareilles was totally pretty in pink in her Louisa Beccaria strapless ruffled dress with matching (but not too matchy-matchy!) accents. I wanna write her a love song and thank her for wearing something so sugary sweet.

Audrina Patridge: Audrina usually looks sexy or hot or amazing but "cute" is not usually the first word that comes to mind. But last night, Audrina looked absolutely adorable in teal Tadashi. Her hair and bright lips were also perfection. Yay, color! Finally!

M.I.A.: We get it. You and your boyfriend got bored and decided to act out Juno. But were you hitting the labor drugs early? You do NOT need to dress like a bloated ladybug. Don't get me wrong -- I love House of Holland (who designed her black-and-white performance outfit). I just love Agyness Deyn in it more. And I'm fine with you wearing Golas when you're playing human hotel. But did you really need to go the Dorothy Zbornak route? I'm still not convinced you weren't hiding all FOUR Golden Girls underneath that Manish Arora tarp.

Jordin Sparks: You are SO SO SO cute and SO not an old lady. But that rose-printed Debra Davenport dress was SO not cute and SO old lady!

Carrie Underwood: That performance pantsuit was a little June Carter Cash with those OOC chiffon bell sleeves, but who cares? She's got legs for miles! And was it just me, or did her female guitarist look like Paris Hilton? Speaking of...

Paris Hilton: Yes, Paris. Less is still less. Please send that Versace Spring 2003 mini back to 2003 where it should stay.

LeAnn Rimes: i'm a huge fan of stone embellishments, but LeAnn's cerulean Philosophy di Alberta Ferretti outfit looked like Star Trek Voyager made its maiden voyage to Cyprus. And taupe? Really? You don't wear taupe on a red carpet unless you're going to the pantyhose awards. Or you're Leona Lewis. And speaking of...

Leona Lewis: Leona is such a gorgeous girl, but her tan Randi Rahm gown bleeding bored me.

Duffy: I've read some negatory reactions toward Duffy's Alberta Ferretti jeweled chiffon cocktail dress, but I really loved that she took an ordinary style and made it her own with an asymmetrical cut. It was super glam but subdued and fit her soulful, old-school style perfectly.

Kanye West: Mazel tov! Your transformation into '80s television star Meshach Taylor is now complete!

Estelle: Call us when Kanye's spaceship lands.

++ MORE GRAMMYS PHOTOS AFTER THE JUMP! ++

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The world has been waiting for the longest time for a new blink-182 record, and finally our prayers will be answered! The full band hopped on stage last night and made the big news known at the 2009 Grammys. Travis Barker said it like this: "We used to play music together, and we decided we're going to play music together again." The band's official/casual press release said it like this:

Hi. We're blink-182. This past week there’ve been a lot of questions about the current status of the band, and we wanted you to hear it straight from us.  To put it simply, We're back. We mean, really back. Picking up where we left off and then some. In the studio writing and recording a new album. Preparing to tour the world yet again.  Friendships reformed.  17 years deep in our legacy.

Summer 2009.

Thanks and get ready...

Yeah. Get ready. Here, I'll help.

+ Watch all of blink-182's videos here!

+ THE! GRAMMYS! HAPPENED! Top honors went to Robert Plant and Alison Krauss for the country-fied duet album your baby ears never heard. Weezy pulled Best Rap Album, Best Rap Song ("Lollipop"), Best Rap Performance by a Duo or Group (T.I.'s "Swagga Like Us") and Best Rap Solo Performance ("A Milli"). (MTV News)

+ Best Spoken Word album went to Al Gor... zzzzzzzzzzzzz

+ This weekend was obvs ALL about the Grammys, but there was some majah pre-game action too. The Grammy Awards Salute to Icons: Clive Davis went down on Saturday night and Taylor Swift, Leona Lewis, Jennifer Hudson and lots more walked down the pre-red carpet, pre-rocked it out, and pre-partied the night away. (Concrete Loop)

+ Oh Noes! Miley Cyrus's papa Billy Ray was all set to do a free concert for that tear-jerker show, Extreme Makeover: Home Edition last Friday, and then the whole place burned down! Sad, epic Home Edition fail. (Perez Hilton)

+ Madonna is allegedly determined that here mini-me Lourdes keeps her unibrow (!)... so she can be assured that "she'll be the fairest of them all" in Casa de Ciccone. (Celeb Newswire)

+ Amy Winehouse to world: What time is 4:20? (D Listed)

+ Close your eyes and squint: we guarantee you will not be able to tell the difference between Kristin Wiig as Bjork and Bjork as Bjork. (Idolator)

+ We're sending get-well wishes down to Usher's wife Tameeka Foster, who has apparently suffered complications due to plastic surgery down in Brazil. (Pop on the Pop)

The beginning of 2009 is already crazy hectic for the Jonas Brothers: they're presenting at the Golden Globes, this Sunday, their new video, "Tonight," comes out January 19, they're hard at work on their new show, J.O.N.A.S., Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience premieres February 27, and somehow they're gonna have to find time to make it to the Grammys on Sunday, February 8, because they could be bringing home an award for Best New Artist.

The Jonas Brothers told People Mag that they're super nervous about the big night and almost didn't make it to the nominee ceremony on time. AND SO, I propose three tactics to insure that the JBs have their bums in their seats with plenty of time to spare on Grammy night!

1.) Send the Jonas Brothers alarm clocks set to go off February 8. You probably have an old one in a junk drawer. Or "borrow" one from your parents. Tell 'em it's for a good cause. (Because it is!) I'm sure they won't mind. Or, pool your pennies and get a Cubissimo. After I accidentally plugged a North American alarm clock into a socket in Paris, causing the alarm clock to melt (whoopsers!), I bought one red. It's lasted for years, and TRUST ME, Nick, Kevin, and Joe (and anyone else within a five-mile radius) will WAKE THE HECK UP when it goes off. The sound still haunts me.

2.) Synchronicity! The Jonas Brothers clear their schedule that day, and Big Rob and/or Mama Denise set all of your alarm clocks throughout the house to make sure the guys get plenty up rest and wake up on time.

3.) WAKE! UP! The JBs re-watch this footage of themselves groggily waking up in New York this past August during "Jonas Brothers: Live & Mobile" (eee! I was in the room!) and start practicing WAKING UP!

Appropriately, Hilary Duff, "Wake Up"

What kind of world do we live in where Panic At the Disco gets trumped by Hannah Montana? No world we wanna live in, that's for sure.

In the first of today's Eight Days of Panic video, Panic talks about getting the less-than-all-star treatment in the wake of Miley Cyrus at the Grammys.

In the second: "That Green Gentleman" and the note that started it all.

Catch up on videos from Day 1 and Day 2, and don't miss the full-length exclusive premiere of Pretty. Odd. on Tuesday, March 18 on The Leak.

If Panic At the Disco was bummed about losing a Grammy last month -- they were nominated for Best Boxed Or Special Limited Edition Package -- to an album entitled What It Is!: Funky Soul And Rare Grooves, they certainly didn't show it. But it didn't even matter, because they'd already recorded the best song ever written about the weather.

Watch Panic demonstrate their good sportsmanship and take you into Ryan's backyard where "Do You Know What I'm Seeing" was born in today's Eight Days of Panic videos.

Check out the videos from Day 1, and don't miss six more days of exclusive Panic interviews leading up to the exclusive premiere of Pretty. Odd., Tuesday, March 18, on The Leak.

"Actress" Bai Ling's recent arrest -- no, not for showing up to the Grammys dressed like a slutty leprechaun but for "picking up" some celeb rags and a pack of batteries via ye olde five-finger discount at LAX airport -- inspired this blast-from-the-past video: Jane's Addiction's old-school ode to shoplifting, "Been Caught Stealing."

(Credit: Backseatcuddler.com)

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For the love of Bret Michaels... WHAT is John Mayer ingesting to keep him looking THIS good? We don't even care that he sorta looks like he and Fergie probably share bronzing lotion. The smoldering singer-songwriter rolled into the Grammys on Sunday looking like the Eighth World Wonder. That night, America went to bed, but not before praying they'd either wake up either with him or looking like him. Seriously, this totally forgives his curly hair phase.

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Let's talk about Grammy hair for a second, shall we? Not even Fantasia's two-tone skunk style concerned us as much as Kelis' and Mark Ronson's dueling Little Dutch Boy 'dos, which suggest that they perhaps patronize the same hair stylist. (Resisting... overwhelming... urge... to make ... lame Stevie Wonder joke). Or they're really into No Country For Old Men. Or this guy.

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