+ You know your marriage is beyond repair when your husband gives you a $100,000 Rolex for your birthday -- and you STILL end up filing for divorce two months later. Just ask Guy Ritchie and Madonna. (And they call her the Material Girl!) (MSNBC)

+ Fergie and Josh Duhamel's wedding is sooo private that not even their friends and family know anything about the nuptials. D'oh! (E! Online)

+ Britney Spears shares pics of her kiddies decked out in formal wear. Adorable, no? And not a grits-stain in sight! (Britney Spears)

+ Not only are Paris and her new BFF totally still besties -- they're actually roomies! At least, according to Brittany Whatsherface, who blogs about living the dream -- i.e. squatting in P. Hilton's guesthouse. (Remote Control)

+ According to the National Enquirer, Michael Jackson has approximately six months to live. (Scandalist)

+ Notorious star/Biggie Smalls doppelganger Jamal Woolard says his big-screen portrayal of B.I.G. was "meant to be." And here's the photographic evidence to prove it. (MTV News)

+ Jay-Z to make sure Obama has the best inaugural pre-party EVER. (MTV News)

+ Today, in totally unconfirmed rumorville ... Demi Lovato and The Cab's Alex DeLeon have made like Katy/Travis and called it quits. (Zack Taylor blog)

+ This booty-shakin' footage of Aubrey O'Day proves the DK alum has zero problem with motion sickness. (ONTD)

+ Taylor Swift fans, rejoice! Last week, the country-pop star (and one-time Jonas-dater) sold over 248,000 copies of her new album, Fearless -- enough to overtake Britney's new LP on Billboard's album charts. Hey, guess not everybody loves a circus. (MTV News)

+ Former Danity Kane crooner Aubrey O'Day sez she's ready to find that special someone -- even if he just happens to be a she. (Remote Control)

+ Madonna and Guy Ritchie have issued a joint statement refuting reports of a $76 million divorce settlement. Sadly, that statement failed to disclose whether the actual number was higher or lower. WE WANT ANSWERS! (Usmagazine.com)

+ Sure, Hannah Montana star Miley Cyrus made MTV's list of 2008's Top Teen Queens. But give it up for relative newcomers Demi Lovato, Selena Gomez and, of course, Twilight's Kristen Stewart. Way to go, Bells! (MTV News)

+ So what's next on Miley's to-do list? Well, let's see -- she's already got the Porsche, the Hannah Montana merch and the perfect anti-paparazzi anthem. How's about winning an Oscar? (WhioTV)

+ We had no problem with Enrique Iglesias kissing a lucky female fan (other than crazy, psychotic jealousy). But we're slightly skeeved out to hear he may or may not have had a crotch-cam on him at the time. (Scandalist)

+ Jennifer Lopez and hubby Marc Anthony ditched diaper duty long enough to grab a romantic meal together in Beverly Hills. "[They] looked genuinely in love," observed one fellow restaurant-goer. Which isn't easy to do when you're busy stuffing your face with Kobe meatballs and scarfin' down tiramisu. (People)

+ Last night, Diddy threw his ex-girlfriend Kim Porter a private birthday bash in West Hollywood. Of course, when you're rollin' with the Dids, "private" is just a figure of speech. Other attendees included Lisa Gastineau and Grey's Anatomy stars Ellen Pompeo and Sara Ramirez. (E! Online)

+ Ashlee Simpson has finally given birth to the world's first Fall Out baby Boy: Bronx Mowgli Wentz. Yeeesh, and Johnny Cash thought "Sue" was rough! (MTV News)

+ Brandy is sorry she purposely lied about her marriage and accidentally ran over a lady with her car. (Usmagazine.com)

+ This just in! Michael Jackson has reportedly converted to Islam and changed his name to "Mikaeel," thereby inspiring the best newspaper headline ever: "The Way You Mecca Me Feel." (The Sun - UK)

+ Is Guns N' Roses' Chinese Democracy "too artsy and overproduced?" And if so, does this mean you won't be buying/illegally downloading it? (MTV News)

+ Madonna and Guy Ritchie's marriage may not be intact -- in fact, their divorce was finalized yesterday! -- but Madge's estimate $450 million fortune is. Despite the nonexistent pre-nup, Ritchie reportedly wants none of the Material Girl's material wealth. (Gawker)

+ Meanwhile, all this talk about divorce must've made Madonna a wee bit nostalgic! Earlier this week, she grabbed drinks with her first ex-husband, Sean Penn. (Page Six)

+ Taylor Swift's a little bit country, a little bit rock n' roll. And a lot successful. (The Boot)

+ Is Danity Kane castoff Aubrey O'Day on the verge of getting her own spinoff? (Remote Control)

+ Kanye West's new album, 808s & Heartbreak, doesn't hit stores til Monday, but it'll be up on his MySpace as of midnight tonight! Have a listen, won't you? (Kanye's MySpace)

+ Completely unknown person International tween sensation Miley Cyrus says she wants to shake things up a little by going on MTV's The Real World! "I just want to be in a really nice house with cameras following me around," she says. Wait, that's not already her life? (Remote Control)

+ Madonna and Guy Ritchie are finalizing their divorce tomorrow in London, which means it won't be long until pinch-hitter A-Rod (Madge's rumored new squeeze) is officially in the starting lineup. Yay, baseball metaphors! (MTV News)

+ Justin Timberlake only agreed to dance around in a black leotard (and tights) on SNL after he secured a sweet deal guaranteeing him a cut of the residuals. (Gay Socialites)

+ Lily Allen's patented man-meeting strategy involves drinking too much, fibbing and taking off all her clothes. "That’s the only way I can ever get together with people," the chronically singer lamented. (Nylon Mag, via Scandalist)

+ Find out what happened to the hottie leading men in Britney Spears' old music videos! Like that promising K-Fed fella, who "has attempted rapping and acting" since appearing in Brit's "My Prerogative" (2004) and landed cameos on CSI and One Tree Hill, where he dug deep to play (ahem) "a wannabe musician." (MTV News)

+ Omigod, remember that time David Archuleta, like, totally DIDN'T win American Idol? Yeah, he's pretty much moved on. Unfortch, we can't say the same thing about these traumatized-for-life tweenage girls ... (Best Week Ever)

+ 'Member when Dr. Pepper promised everyone a free soda if Guns N' Roses' Chinese Democracy ever got released? Well, the album's almost out ... free carbonation for all! (Dr. Pepper)

+ And speaking of GNR, don't be surprised if their new LP beats Kanye's 808s & Heartbreak in first week album sales. Oh, and did we mention that Axl Rose isn't above cheating? (MTV News)

+ Rihanna was feeling kinda sad after her maybe-fainting-episode last week... so her totally platonic "pal" Chris Brown bought her $800 worth of lingerie to cheer her up! Hey, smooth move, Chris! After all, nothing says "We're just friends" quite like the non-refundable purchase of sexy, lacy undergarments. (Mirror - UK, via I'm Not Obsessed)

+ Miley Cyrus sez Barack Obama's daughters Sasha and Malia may be showing off their acting chops -- as her newest Hannah Montana costars! GOBAMA! (MTV News)

+ Unfortunately, the Obama fam says this is the first they've heard of it. Whoopsers! (MTV News)

+ British pop singer Adele isn't convinced those Jo Bros are as chaste as they'd have you believe. "Millions of girls fancy them!" she recently told Glamour. "If the Jonas Brothers are virgins - then I'm a man." (ContactMusic)

+ Usmagazine.com apologizes to actress Kelly Reilly for "any potential embarrassment" caused by their (mistaken!) report that she and Guy Ritchie have been gettin' it on. (Usmagazine.com)

+ Memo to Amy Winehouse: We'll never make another beehive joke again if you promise to ditch the $5 perm once and for all. (Scandalist)

+ Stop the presses! The presidential election's already over, according to Good Charlotte's Joel Madden. (E! Online)

+ And speaking of Joel, Nicole Richie (and, presumably, her rocker hubby) are reportedly looking into adoption agencies. (Scandalist)

+ For what it's worth, Selena Gomez thinks Miley Cyrus' model boyfriend (get it??) Justin Glaston is "really cute." (Usmagazine.com)

+ Meanwhile, Miley's pop/manager Billy Ray has a friendly stern reminder for his daughter: she should be focused on her career, not on boys. Yeeesh, no wonder she's supposedly moving out. (The Sun - UK)

+ If oft-shot rapper 50 Cent finds you intimidating, you're probably something right. (MTV News)

+ Omigod, you guys, it's High School Musical superlatives! Find out why Zac Efron's the most likely to raid the craft services table and Vanessa Hudgens should start practicing for her collabo with Lil Wayne. (MTV Movies)

+ Are Chris Brown and Rihanna part of some evil, diabolical takeover scheme? Eh, probably not but, hey, conspiracy theories are fun! (Madatoms)

+ With all this talk about Madonna/Guy Ritchie not having a prenup, we almost forgot he's, like, a totally famous director who hangs with Robert Downey Jr. and Jude Law. Guy, be like Kanye and holla "We want prenup." (E! Online)

+ Dawn Richard backs up Diddy's decision to dump Aubrey O'Day from the ranks of Danity Kane, telling reporters that Aubs' "obnoxious" covers (she posed topless for Complex magazine) was sending the wrong message to Danity Kane's younger fans. (MTV News)

+ So what does Aubrey think about all this? Hear what she had to say for herself in her first official post-DK interview. (Remote Control)

+ Slim Shady fans, rejoice! Eminem has announced that he'll drop his new album, Relapse, before the end of this year. (MTV News)

+ Madonna and Guy Ritchie's impending divorce has unleashed a second wave of A-Rod rumors. We're calling foul. (Scandalist)

+ Meanwhile, word has it that Madonna has lawyered up with the best. The Material Girl has retained renowned divorce attorney Fiona Shackleton, who famously helped Prince Charles un-shackle himself from Princess Di. (Perez Hilton)

+ Staunch Obama supporter Jon Bon Jovi is angry that Sarah Palin and The Maverick have taken to blasting his song "Who Says You Can't Go Home" at their Republican pep rallies. (Rolling Stone)

+ In his first public appearance since last month's plane crash, DJ AM rocked the turntables while Jay-Z gave big ups to AM's close pal, Travis Barker. (MTV News)

+ Madonna and Guy Ritchie are officially divorcing. After months of speculation (mainly stemming from Madonna's alleged romantic trysts with A-Rod) the couple released a statement early this a.m. confirming rumors of their impending split. They were married for nearly 8 years. (NY Post, MTV News)

+ A Danity Kane divided! On last night's Making the Band Live Finale, Diddy officially booted Aubrey and D. Woods from the group. (Remote Control)

+ Ever wondered what it feels like to hold the top two slots on the Billboard Hot 100 chart? Well, according to T.I., it ain't easy. The rapper admits he's both "disturbed" and "exhilarated" by his success. And, apparently, somewhat humbled. (MTV News)

+ We always knew Simon Cowell had a bit of a Napoleon complex. We just didn't realize he was up to three throw pillows a day. (Scandalist)

+ Forget about the J-E-T-S. Tonight, Luda and 50 Cent are gonna give it up for the V-E-T-S (i.e. American military veterans) by headlining a live concert as part of MTV's Choose or Lose tour. (MTV News)

+ Not only is DJ AM out of the hospital -- he's just landed the biggest show of his career! The recovering turntablist is teaming up with Jay-Z tonight for his first post-plane crash gig. (People)

+ With elections creeping up, Barack Obama landed himself on the cover of music bible Rolling Stone (again)! Oh, and don't worry, conspiracy theorists. That huge, bold-faced Taliban story (on the bottom left) is totally just coincidence. (Rolling Stone)

+ Janet Jackson's mystery illness revealed! The singer has apparently been diagnosed with "migraine-associated vertigo." Hey, didn't U2 write a song about that once? (MTV News)