UGH. I'm STILL SO MAD that someone PUNCHED SWEET, ANGELIC LEONA LEWIS. I'mma borrow one from Katy Perry, who reacted thusly when Kanye West interrupted Taylor Swift: "It's like you stepped on a kitten." Leona Lewis is a sweet lamb of a human being. And NO ONE deserves to slapped, except for maybe the balloon boy's father because he has such a douchey haircut. (And what kind of a name is Heene anyway? One that rhymes with WEENIE, actually. Ha!)
Anyway, here Leona Lewis just made a song (with the help of Ryan Tedder) about just WANTING TO BE HAPPY, and it's about how she can't even get the guy she's secretly in love with, and then she has to go watch him get married to some chick, and then SOMEONE HITS her? She's JUST TRYING TO BE HAPPY. GARRRH. I'M SO ANGRY I COULD BREAK MY MACBOOK AIR!
Okay. Strong Britney. Watch Leona Lewis' "Happy" video -- directed by Jake Nava ("Single Ladies," "She Wolf," "If U Seek Amy") -- off her upcoming album, Echo.
I feel pretty bad for Ciara, Rihanna, and Beyonce right now. I thought Ciara and Justin Timberlake in Ciara's "Love, Sex, Magic" video was hotter than hell. Then Rihanna was tipped the sexy scale in that little black naughty number in Kanye's "Paranoid" video. When Beyonce busted out her "Sweet Dreams" video, I was like, okay, we're done. We're done here. What's gonna get hotter than Beyonce jiggling in a jumpsuit? But Shakira, you did dat with the Brigitte Bardot hair and the... the no clothes basically in your new "She Wolf" video.
Honestly, I have NO clue what wolves in the closet means (lost in translation?), and Shakira still sorta sounds like she swallowed Kermit The Frog after he swallowed a bag of Auto-Tune chips.
But the Jake Nava-directed video (he directed Britney's "If U Seek Amy" and Beyonce's "Single Ladies" videos) is so hot that the next lady who wants to make a sexy video is pretty gonna have to take off her pants and just film her crotch the entire time. Oh wait...
Watch Shakira's "She Wolf," shower, repeat.
Though Britney never TRULY clarifies WHO, exactly, Amy is and why EVERYONE'S doing all that seeking of the Amy in question, she and director Jake Nava ("My Prerogative," and a host of Beyonce videos, including "Crazy In Love," "Beautiful Liar," and "Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It)") do give us a treasure chest of golden Britney moments. Herewith are my favorite moments of Britney's "If U Seek Amy" video.
5.) The Fox News-Spoofing Intro (0:01) - Seriously, even Britney appears not to take Fox News seriously.
4.) Britney Cleans Her Room (0:41) - Britney picks up some dirty drawers off the floor. Don't judge! It's happened to you too (even if they were yours and not the result of an orgyfest the likes of which not seen since Fiona Apple's "Criminal" video). But at least Britney's tidying up after herself! Even if she did toss them aside a second later. And did you notice the bathtub at the beginning of that scene? Totally reminds me of "Everytime," but less ominous. See! Britney's better! She's moving past her past! And her amazing hair -- totally "Don't Let Me Be The Last To Know" material. And that last-call dance she does? That little ante room is totally "Me Against The Music," minus Madonna, because she's busy shacking up with that sweet little barely-legal pool boy dude.
3.) Britney's Taste In Furniture (1:41) - That striped sectional sofa Britney and her personal team of cheerleaders is grinding on exudes Britney's sensible taste in contemporary furniture. It's versatile, comfortable, brightens up that family room, and um, stains come right off!
2.) Be Betty Draper: (2:13) - Britney basically morphs into Mad Men's Betty Draper while recalling her 2003 Esquire magazine shoot, which was an homage to the magazine's 1966 Angie Dickinson shoot. (THEN Danity Kane reprised the image AGAIN in 2008! Exhausted yet?)
1.) Be Giada De Laurentiis (3:13) - There is absolutely no reason you can't be smokin' hot and awesome in the kitchen too. Britney demonstrates her ability to do both by baking up a fresh pie. Extra points for remembering to keep that table in tip-top shape by putting down that potholder first. Smart girl.
Those are my five favorite "If U Seek Amy" moments. Yours?
