Yep. And there it is. The stupidest thing anyone's ever wore on the VMA red carpet. Besides everything Lil Kim's ever wore to the VMAs, including but not limited to her 2000 VMAs sparkly Superheroine of Boob Bondage situation.

(Haigurlhai)

Anyway, Pete Wentz and Fall Out Boy rolled onto the red carpet at the 2006 VMAs with a REAL LIVE FREAKING MONKEY. Not like a metaphorical "monkey on my back" monkey. An actual real one. A Capuchin monkey.

I've been on the VMA red carpet (PLEASE! NO PHOTOS!), and let me tell you, the VMA red carpet is NO place for a monkey. The VMA red carpet is a place for ass-less dresses. But it happened. And I'm still talking about it, so maybe the joke's on me. Oh yeah, Pete Wentz was also wearing a cape, but you hardly noticed. BECAUSE HE ALSO HAD A LIVE MONKEY WITH HIM.

Pete's already said that he and Fall Out Boy will be at the 2009 VMAs -- see which VMA they're up for -- but this year they better BRING it on the red carpet. Live elephants, a blimp, upsidedown taxi, or ELSE.

Check out more red carpet photos from the 2006 VMAs and get more VMA Fashion.

+ Don't miss the 2009 VMAs live from Radio City Music Hall in New York City on Sunday, September 13 at 9pm!

+ *Um, how about Joe Jackson being all crazy on Larry King Live, saying to those who accused him of beating Michael Jackson that "you know what this beat started -- beat started in the slavery days." WTF DOES THAT MEAN? I don't even know, but read on for more... (Bossip)

+ Britney ain't no joke, people. She has the most singles of any artist on the Billboard Mainstream Top 40 Chart for this decade. Girl may be a crazy Jew-in-training, but she's on top. (BritneySpears.com)

+ Kelly Clarkson announced fall dates for her All I Ever Wanted tour, which kicks off October 2nd in Connecticut. Will TOTES DEF be going to the show at Hammerstein Ballroom in NYC. It's ALL I EVER WANTED!! (KellyClarkson.com)

+ I think my head is about to pop off. In separate news, VH1 just announced they're bringing back their Divas Live franchise with four HUGE talents: Kelly Clarkson (duh), Leona Lewis, Adele, and Miley Cyrus. Oh. My. God. (VH1)

+ Tuesday LOLz courtesy of Lady Gaga (who else??): here she is in a Kermit the Frog outfit on German television. It just doesn't get any better than this. (PopCrunch)

+ In case you missed this duet between Cyndi Lauper and Lil' Kim (RUH?), here you go. Don't say we didn't warn you. (Popnography)

Recently, more's been made of Jessica Simpson's weight and denim cut-off short shorts than the fact that Arizona State University denied President Obama an honorary degree. Vanity Fair writer Rich Cohen even managed to use the word "fat" three times in one paragraph in his recent Jessica Simpson profile! Wow. It took him several more PARAGRAPHS to even get to the word "beautiful," which feels like a bit of an oversight, no?)

Seriously, who CARES how much Jessica Simpson weighs? Sure, she should've fired her stylist over the Mom Jeans incident of January 2009, but the girl was born gorgeous and looks great at any weight. And Jessica Simpson in short-shorts? Even better. Hello? She even PLAYED Daisy Duke. Why? Because girl's got legs for months.

So, while ASU skipped over Obama, we're giving Jessica Simpson Buzzworthy's all-time favorite short-shorter award. And she's also the official inspiration behind some of our all-time favorite short-shorts videos by Katy Perry, Beyonce, Jennifer Lopez, Vanessa Hudgens, Gwen Stefani, Aerosmith and more...

Jessica Simpson -- "These Boots Are Made For Walkin'" -- True, The Dukes of Hazzard movie was a total flop (or a box office smash if you're measuring it against the Glitter yardstick!) but Jessica did get in absolutely bananas shape to play Daisy Duke in the movie and its resultant video, which was so overtly sexy (duh -- Brett Ratner directed it) that it ended up banned in several countries. And true, the remake doesn't do the original much justice (I'm fairly confident the Nancy Sinatra version doesn't mention anything about "double Ds"), but sharing a set with Willie Nelson and the General Lee is still worth something, right? (Right?)

Katy Perry -- "Hot 'N' Cold" -- Katy Perry pulled off an impressive feat in her "Hot 'N" Cold" video; she managed to wear short-shorts in just about EVERY scene, including the scene where she tears off her wedding dress to reveal a hidden pair of white short-shorts -- which wind up being the perfect thing to wear while chasing her wayward groom down the street. And walking a zebra, obvs.

Britney Spears -- "Don't Let Me Be The Last To Know" -- I won't let YOU be the last to know that at NO point in her 2001 "Don't Let Me Be The Last To Know" beach video, directed by the late Herb Ritts (he also directed Madonna's "Cherish" and Chris Isaak's "Wicked Game" videos) does Britney wear pants at ALL. In just a bikini top and a pair of I-can't-believe-they're-not-drawers cut-off shorts, Britney rolls around in the sand with French model Brice Durand. The video resulted in a TRL #1 hit for Britney, as well as what was probably a LOT of sand stuck inside dark, uncomfortable places.

Christina Aguilera -- "Can't Hold Us Down" -- Christina Aguilera rocked an extreme... ly short pair of pink ones in her 2003 video, "Can't Hold Us Down." But what Christina lacked in shorts she made up for with old-school knee-high tube socks. True to the named Stripped -- Christina's 2002 album which featured "Can't Hold Us Down" -- Lil' Kim, who guested on the track and co-stars in the video -- puts Christina's short-shorts to shame when she throws open her robe and reveals little more than a teeny weeny bikini. And a superfluous belt. She's subtle, that Kim!

Beyonce -- "Crazy In Love" -- In her 2003 "Crazy In Love" video, featuring Jay-Z, Beyonce wears a pair of barely there denim short-shorts. And my guess is that her choreographer stuffed the pockets of said shorts with fire ants because Beyonce writhes around on the ground, spazzes out, and almost twerks her way out of those shorts for nearly the entire duration of the time she spends in them. "Crazy In Love" won three 2003 VMAs (the VMAs where Britney and Madonna made out!) by the way -- Best R&B Video, Best Choreography, and Best Female Video.

Keri Hilson -- "Knock You Down" -- Keri Hilson looks like she frequently skips dessert and never skips a workout. Plus, if you've seen her "Energy" video, then you're fully aware that she's a lady boxer. (Plus, she shleps around a CRAPload of nail polish everywhere she goes.) Therefore her short-shorts are practically a necessity.

Vanessa Hudgens -- "Sneakernight" -- Which did you notice first in Vanessa Hudgens' "Sneakernight" video? Vanessa's light-up sneakers, or her micro-mini super-duper short-shorts? Or the fact that "Sneakernight" sounds exactly like Nikka Costa's "Like A Feather"?

++ Check out more celebs in short-shorts and classic short-shorts videos after the jump!

Read more...

+ Forget about Skipper or Teenage Prom Maxi. Who needs those shallow plastics when you can have your very own PLUS-size Beth Ditto doll complete with Victoria Principal bob and blue eyeshadow?! (The Frisky)

+ Lady GaGa's "Lovegame" video has been out for a while, but here's some pretty cool behind-the-scenes footage from the set. (Towleroad)

+ Yesterday, it was the girl from the "Thriller" video claiming she's owed royalties. Today, it's his old publicist. How many hundreds upon thousands of people will continue to sue ole frail-n-pale Michael Jackson before SOMEone, ANYone realizes that he DOESN'T. HAVE. ANY. MONEY?!?! (MTV News)

+ Solange Knowles has been tagging along with sister Beyonce on her I Am tour, singing at special afterparties and the like. Here she covers (perfectly and uniquely) Bjork's "It's Oh So Quiet." (Neon Limelight)

+ In case you're wondering what Katy Perry would look like as a midge, here you go! (Best Week Ever)

+ As cheesy as she may be, you have to give Paula Abdul some credit for turning it out on last night's American Idol. She was a'jumpin' and a'flippin' and a'whippin' that mic stand around like a rag doll, all while in 5" heels. Our favorite part was when she gets flipped over that guy like when Britney goes flying through the air in "Oops...I Did It Again." You know the part? You know the part. (Pop On The Pop)

+ Thursday LOLz courtesy of your favorite pint-sized rapper Lil Kim, who danced up on Regis Philbin during yesterday's Live With Regis And Kelly. (Rap-Up)

+  You know it's a slow news day when we're blogging about new pics of Anna Faris. (Hollywoodtuna)

+ We don't care who this dress was designed for. All we're saying is Beyonce looks a little crazy in it. (Us Magazine)

+ Lil' Kim took a break from shakin' her tush on Dancing With The Stars to shoot a video for her T-Pain collabo 'Download.' (Rap-Up)

+ Justin Timberlake ain't losin' no sleep over no music he ain't makin'. (Entertainment Weekly)

+ Robert Pattinson stinks!  And we ain't just talkin' about his acting chops! (MTV News)

+ On the bright side, Taylor Lautner looks so squeaky clean, it hurts. (Just Jared Jr)

+ Congrats on going platinum, Brit Brit! We've come a long way from barefoot gas station stops and Cheetos binging.  RIght? (Gabby Babble)

Despite the fact that most everyone is in a pretty "yes we can"-ish mood as of late, a few of our fave celebs are bucking the trend and rocking more of a "oh no you di'int" tude. Not surprisingly, this has resulted in a whole mess of feuds amongst the glittery glam.

Personally, we're more of the "make love, not war" frame of mind, but OF COURSE we still want to give you guys the real-deal scoop. Thus, herewith are a few of our favorite famous feuds:

+ Lil' Kim vs. Voletta Wallace: Bad girl rapper Lil Kim was none too pleased with the way she was portrayed in the recent biopic, Notorious -- the movie about her former lover and mentor Notorious B.I.G. Biggie's Mamz Voletta co-produced the movie and didn't really give a rat's ass that Lil Kim wasn't likin' it. In fact, she basically told her she could go shove it: "Tell Lil' Kim to go find herself, go drink a cup of green tea and get a life!" Ouch.

+ 50 Cent vs. Mostly everyone (except for Eminem): A better question might be who ISN'T 50 Cent feuding with? So far, he's got beef with: Kanye West, Oprah Winfrey, Young Buck, Lil Wayne, Ja Rule, Rick Ross, and ??? (TBD).

+ Jay-Z vs. Chris Brown: Recall that Jay-Z discovered Rihanna, so it's not surprising that Hov's reportedly verrrry, verrry angry about the recent nastiness that went down between Rihanna and Chris Brown. The rapper has allegedly said of Brown that he's basically "a dead man walking." Y-I-K-E-S.

+ Lily Allen vs. Perez Hilton: This feud has reached a fever pitch over the last week or so, and it's all going down in the Twitterverse. These two crazy kiddos do NOT seem to like each other very much. Lily Allen to Perez: you're a "jealous and bitter lonely old queen." Perez to Lily: "Congrats on your album doing well in America, though. It's REALLY HARD to sell copies when u discount it to $3.99. Desperate!" Meow!

+ Kanye West vs. HIS KEYBOARD CAPS LOCK: Kanye has had a long and well-documented battle with his CAPS LOCK key... and he pretty much always beats that marfar into submission. If you've ever visited the Martin Luther Louis Vuitton Don's blog, you've likely been privy to some of his ALL-CAPS RANTS!!!!1!! They really are a work of art and so, ok fine, we hope this feud goes on 4evs. But everyone else, where is the love?

+ 50 Cent is happy to report that Kanye West is definitely not gay. He's just sensitive. (Perez Hilton)

+ New trainwreck of a couple alert: Courtney Love + Mickey Rourke are a couple? Um, VH1 reality programming execs, are you ON TOP OF THIS???. (Pop Eater)

+ Foo Fighters frontman Dave Grohl, on the other hand, isn't afraid to fly his rainbow flag...even if it's just for moral support. (Towel Road)

+ Oh gosh oh gosh oh gosh!! New/old David Archuleta song? "It's All About Love"!?!?!? (Team Archie)

+ Based on the recently leaked pics from the March ish of W magazine, we think Madonna and boy toy Jesus Luz make a pretty smokin' couple. We have no idea if the rumors about those two crazy kids are true, but for Madge's sake, we sincerely hope they are. (Hard Candy)

+ Mandy Moore and Ryan "Call Me Bryan And I'll Freak" Adams are engaged. Dorky dudes, there IS hope! (People)

+ File under interesting (read: potentially catastrophic) career choices: Jewel and Lil' Kim are on the next season's cast of Dancing With The Stars. (Stupid Celebrities)

+ Don't call it a comeback! Ciara's in Enrique Iglesias' new video, "Takin' Back My Love." (That Grape Juice)

+ Q: Guess who DIDN'T get nominated for a Country Music Award? A: Jessica Simpson. And we're sending you a an e-hug Jess, cause DAYOM, you had a rough coupla weeks. (Us Magazine)

Have you read this gossip that Michael Jackson has approached a Broadway production company in hopes of translating his musical career -- specifically Thriller -- into a musical? Obviously cruel jokes are already forming in your head, but that's just because you're super immature. Just kidding. They're in my head too. But for once, let's take the high road and think about this instead: Who else's music/life is fit for a musical? Weirdly enough, I have a few ideas...

First of all, I don't care if they're too new to draw a crowd, or too indie for a scandal. I don't care if their music is antiseptic and intellectual. Hell, I don't even care if the musical is about them. If there was a play called Vampire Weekend, that's a play that I would definitely attend. You?

Going a more substantive route, recent hip-hop offers endless possibilities. If Notorious can be a movie, certainly it can be a musical (sooorry Lil' Kim :-/). Also, Beyonce's latest, I Am... Sasha Fierce, begs for a showstopping dance number, a dream sequence and a subplot involving a ring of lady spies. And speaking of dream sequence, Kanye's epic, auto-tuned bum-out 808s & Heartbreak is practically already set for Broadway. So much drama!

Finally, the worst idea ever: How about Katy Perry uses her big... name to take on Broadway AND global warming with a charmingly choreographed musical called Hot & Cold? Are you puking? Do you have any better ideas? David Archuleta: 'Wicked' Cute? Comment!

+ A Charlie's Angels 3 producer says she'd love for Rihanna to join the feathered-hair trio this time around. Meanwhile, Drew Barrymore claims she's more interested in having a foursome with Penelope Cruz. (Wambie)

+ Paris Hilton and Scarlett Johansson aren't the only celebs who decided to try their hand at "singing." Relive the train wreck-y amazingness of Eddie Murphy's high-pitched warbling with this collection of actors who shouldn't quit their day jobs. (Details Blog)

+ And speaking of crossover ventures, singer/ glittery princess Taylor Swift has announced that she'll be launching her own Wal-Mart clothing line (a la Olsens!). (LimeLife)

+ Audrina Patridge says she and Justin Bobby have called it quits! Again! Hey, wonder if this means she's taken off that saliva-drenched promise ring once and for all... (Remote Control)

+ Biggie Smalls' mom refuses to let her feud with Lil' Kim die down. Her latest message for the once-incarcerated rapper? "Tell [Kim] to find herself, go drink a cup of green tea and get a life." (MTV News)

+ Since getting dumped by Kate Moss, Pete Doherty has stayed true to himself and his goals of going through life... as a crazy cat person who enjoys writing on the walls (like Will Hunting, except in blood!) and long walks on the beach drinking. (Scandalist)

+ President Barack Obama busts a move to Beyonce's "Single Ladies," but refuses to don Justin Timberlake's stretch leotard. (MTV News)

+ Meanwhile, Macy Gray denies (self-perpetuated?) rumors that she is in love with Barack and wants to go all Single Black Female on Michelle. (OMG! Yahoo)

+ Jessica Simpson steps out in public, pretends Everyone In The World isn't mentally obsessing about her BMI. (Usmagazine)

+ This just in: Beyonce will be providing the music for Barack's first-ever inaugural ball dance! No word yet on what she plans to sing, but we're at least 99% sure it won't be "Bootylicious." (MTV News)

+ Katy Perry on working for Obama: "If I'm the Secretary of State, does that mean I get to wear a secretary outfit?" (People)

+ Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson to guest-star on CSI: NY as "Bonnie & Clyde wannabes." (EW)

+ Despite denying rumors of an impending dee-vorce, Jennifer Lopez recently showed up to the Golden Globes sans wedding ring. Fortunately, she had a perfectly logical explanation: "It just didn’t go with the dress." (Scandalist)

+ Justin Timberlake's new single, "Bigger Than the World," sounds a lot like Robin Thicke. Which totally makes sense, given how hard Robin's worked on perfecting his JT impression. (MTV News)

+ Fergie's puffy, purple feather ensemble is about as subtle as the "secret" wedding she plastered all over the pages of Us Weekly. (Faded Youth Blog)

+ Aubrey O'Day says she'll be staying "true to [her] Danity Kane roots" for her new solo album. So expect to see her dancing provocatively, dating her tourmates and favoring clothes of the skintight/bare midriff variety. (MTV News)

+ If our gym membership hadn't already expired, this ab-solutely amazing pic of Britney Spears would've been just the thing to get us back on the treadmill. (Usmagazine.com)

+ Remember that show about Lil' Kim getting ready for the slammer? Yeah, we're thinking you're gonna like the T.I. vershe a whole lot better. (Remote Control)