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Nicki Minaj, Adele and Katy Perry will perform at the 2012 Grammys.

The 54th Annual Grammy Awards are this Sunday, people, and we hope you'll be keeping up with every last detail of the show like we will (with a livestream, duh). With performances by Chris Brown, Katy Perry, and Coldplay with Rihanna, to name a few, this year's show is probably going to get some trending topics going.

And while we know Adele's going to slay everyone during her performance, and Lady Gaga will obviously be wearing something wild and crazy, we're having more fun thinking about the things we really want to see go down that probably won't. For instance, Taylor Swift showing up in a sparkle-free ensemble?! Or our first glimpse of Blue Ivy Carter?! Not very likely, but let a girl dream, will ya?

10 Things We Want To See At The Grammys (That Probably Won't Happen)

1.) Katy Perry and Russell Brand reconcile. -- Katy Perry throws a curve ball and performs a cover of the "Aladdin" classic "A Whole New World" alongside soon-to-be ex-husband Russell Brand. They kiss and make up at the end of the song; the world's equilibrium is restored.

2.) Blue Ivy Carter debuts her first song. -- Despite her lack of motor skills, we learn that Blue Ivy's been slaving away in the studio on her debut single. It will break all iTunes records ever recorded.

3.) Adele is photographed smiling. -- You don't get that good at brooding without a lot of practice. Don't get us wrong, Adele's our pretend girlfriend, but we'd love to see a candid pic of the "Someone Like You" singer having a really good time.

+ Read the rest of our 10 Things We Want To See At The Grammys (That Probably Won't Happen) after the jump.

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Tags Adele, Blue Ivy Carter, Bon Iver, Chris Brown, Coldplay, Grammys, Katy Perry, Lady Gaga, Nicki Minaj, R.-Kelly, Rihanna, skrillex, Taylor Swift

It's gonna be a very disco Valentine's Day for R. Kelly and all his freaky followers. Due for digital release on Feb. 14, "Share My Love" sounds like it's beamed in straight from the speakers of Studio 54, sometime around 1977. Crooning over shiny disco strings and a sweetly mellowed-out beat, the King of R&B keeps it smooth as silk -- or at least polyester, preferably in electric purple.

Romantic as ever, Kels slips more than a few priceless come-ons into the lyrics for "Share My Love" (the first single from his forthcoming album, Write Me Back). Of course, when he announces he's about to "tell you all of the things I wanna do to you" in the first verse, your instinct is probably to cover your ears and start shouting "LA LA LA!" to drown him out. But that's nothing compared to the real prize-taker at the bridge: "Now that we're in this room/Let's do what we're born to do/POPULATE! POPULATE!" It's classic Kels -- fantastic and terrifying at the very same time.

BTW, I just pictured R. Kelly in a butterfly-collared button-down and suede bell-bottoms, and it was kind of amazing. Let's all break out our halter-neck catsuits and do The Hustle.

+ Listen to R. Kelly, "Share My Love."

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I'm looking forward to a lot of things about 2012: seeing whether or not the world ends, turning 21 for the eighth time in a row, and now, possible additional "Trapped In The Closet" installments from hip-hopera genius R. Kelly! For those who might not know (FOR SHAME!), "Trapped In The Closet" is a 22-chapter song about a very involved love triangle. Each chapter is played out word for word by R. Kelly himself in the classic DVD "R. Kelly: Trapped In The Closet Chapters 1-22."

TMZ recently caught up with the "Shut Up" singer, and R. not only let us in on the fact that more "Trapped" episodes are waiting to be put to video, but he also told us about the inspiration behind the first 22 chapters: "Aside from me being silly and not having a job and nothing else to do sitting around the studio, I've always wanted to be a movie director.... and ['Trapped In The Closet'] is pretty much my movie directing seeping out through my music." How this man has not been hired to direct every movie in Hollywood by now is beyond me.

Kelly continued to reveal that additional chapters of "Trapped" are just waiting (in a closet somewhere) to be acted out and recorded: "By the way, I've got 32 more chapters that I'm trying to put out now. It costs a lot of money to do it, you know, so we're actually looking for investors."

ATTENTION INVESTORS: Help this man out! Think about all the good the first 22 chapters of "Trapped In The Closet" has done for the world (read: endless LOLz, hilarious cultural references, friendship litmus tests, etc.). Imagine what another THIRTY-TWO chapters of this masterpiece can do for us all! DONATE NOW!

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+ Adele's "Rolling In The Deep" was named MTV's Best Song Of 2011. She told MTV News that she didn't know how big it would become. "I thought it would be more a tastemaker vibe than a hit," she wrote. Uh, WRONG! (MTV News)

+ Lady Gaga topped Forbes' Top-Earning Women in Music in 2011 list. Taylor Swift, Katy Perry, Celine Dion and Adele round out the Top 5. (MTV News)

+ Common's The Dreamer/The Believer album includes guests John Legend, Nas and Maya Angelou. It drops Dec. 20, but you can hear the full album stream now. (Rap-Up)

+ Watch Katy Perry's "10 Most Fascinating People" interview with Barbara Walters. Perry opens up about her childhood, career struggles and personal life. (Neon Limelight)

+ Watcha doing next October? R. Kelly's inviting folks to a  "Love Letter Cruise" where he'll apparently perform and cruise with attendees around the Caribbean. "Come aboard and join me as I sail away on my first annual Love Letter Cruise," he tweeted. (Pitchfork)

+ Machine Gun Kelly was named 2011's Hottest Breakthrough MC by MTV's Rapfix. Not bad for someone who graduated high school in 2008. (Rapfix)

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Tags Adele, Buzz Bites, Celine Dion, Common, Katy Perry, Kelly Clarkson, Lady Gaga, Machine Gun Kelly, R.-Kelly, Taylor Swift

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Calling R. Kelly "one of a kind" is a sincere understatement. Guys, we're talking about the man that basically invented the hip hopera (see: the masterpiece "Trapped In The Closet" -- each and every 22nd part of it). So no one should be surprised that after his emergency throat surgery this summer, Kels would come back triumphant... and write a play-by-play about the whole experience.

R. (or "Robert" as I call him) tweeted early this morning, "It's been a long time coming, but I finally feel a lot better about my throat since the surgery, and this is the first song I wrote," followed with "Enjoy!" and a link to a new song. The down-tempo track, which we think is called "Shut Up," is not only about recovering from surgery, but also haters. Because damn, haters even hate when you have surgery. Or maybe especially when you have surgery.

In his patented sing/speak cadence, R. rhymes about his trials and tribulations of his medical emergency. "Now that I've got my voice back let me start out by saying that/I appreciate the fans around the world that had my back..." He also makes sure to address all the people doubting him after they... found out his health was in danger? "People said that I was done/Said there was no way this time he's gonna overcome."

I don't know who these rude-ass people are who were hating on R. Kelly after he was faced with a medical issue, but we're hoping they take his advice and shut up. Also, this is my new favorite song of all time.

+ Listen to R. Kelly's "Shut Up."

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1.) Wondering what to bring to Beyonce's baby shower? (We're still waiting for our invite, too.) Scratch off that $5,200 baby bathtub covered in 44,928 imported Swarovski pink crystals -- Aunt Kelly Rowland already called it. (HollyBaby)

2.) Stuffed toys better watch their necks. (We're looking at you, Kermit!) Nicki Minaj is bringing back cozy stuffed animal dresses, and with winter fast approaching it's not a bad idea. (MTV Style)

3.) Jessica Simpson and beau Eric Johnson are holding off on their wedding until the little bundle of joy arrives so Jess can avoid being a "hormonal bridezilla." Anyone who's ever been in a wedding, golf clap with gratitude. (Celebuzz)

4.) Jamie Lynn Spears stepped out of the spotlight for a bit, but girl's back and following the footsteps of her big sis with her own music! We smell a future collabo, y'all! (TheFABlife)

5.) Speaking of big sis Britney Spears, catch the singer's EPIX Femme Fatale concert special, airing Nov. 12. (Us magazine)

6.) With Fergie taking a permanent breather from Black Eyed Peas, there's plenty of chatter about who's taking her place? Hey, wait! How about Jamie Lynn Spears? (Entertainment Weekly)

7.) A collage of non-speaking movie scenes with Ryan Gosling is worth a thousand words -- most of those words include: hot, hunk, stud, gorgeous, marry me... (Hollywood Crush)

8.) Hip-hop newcomer Cher Lloyd chats about her upcoming album Sticks + Stones. Warning: Becoming hypnotized by her adorbz British accent may occur. (ONTD)

9.) The people have spoken, and they believe Katy Perry, Beyonce, smf Lady Gaga should win People's Choice Awards. Now, if only the people had a say on what Gaga should wear to the awards... (MTV News)

10.) The title of R. Kelly's upcoming memoir is "Soula Coaster: The Diary Of Me." One more time: SOULA COASTER. #RKellyFTW (BuzzFeed)

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Tags 10 Things To Know Now, Beyonce, Black Eyed Peas, Britney Spears, Cher Lloyd, Fergie, Jamie Lynn Spe, Jessica Simpson, Katy Perry, Kelly Rowland, Lady Gaga, Nicki Minaj, R.-Kelly, Ryan Gosling

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It's not like terribly handsome actor Joseph Gordon-Levitt needs any help attracting the ladies, but he recently performed a live cover of R. Kelly's GREATEST CONTRIBUTION TO EARTH (also known as "Ignition (Remix)"), so he's probably warding off droves of marriage proposals right now. Joseph (or Joey as I call him in our make-believe text message exchanges) recently stopped by Ohio State University to perform or talk about stuff or look cute or go to class or something. Whatever, we're not really sure why he was there -- all we know is that he sang the R. Kelly classic (and played it on an acoustic guitar -- SWOON CITY) in front of a group of people, and I am now registered at theknot.com just in case.

This isn't even a parody, people. JGL actually knows music. Along with looking insanely attractive in the upcoming Batman film "The Dark Knight Rises," Joe also runs hitRECord, an open collaborative production company. "What is that?" you ask. No clue! All we know is that it has something to do with music and JGL would kill at any karaoke birthday party. I mean, dude turned Lady Gaga's "Bad Romance" into a quasi-metal song. Seriously, where is an ordained minister when you need one?

+ Watch Joesph Gordon-Levitt cover R. Kelly's "Ignition (Remix)," and check out the original below.

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R. Kelly took a break from feeling on yo boo-hoo-tay, kickin' it with your girlfriend, solving his closet's many mysteries and serving 50 women champagne during his concert to join Nicki Minaj and Ke$ha in creating his own take on Britney Spears' "Till The World Ends" summer jam. A Kells-branded remix of Britney's song surfaced this past weekend. Rather than chop the song up, he laid his own vocals on top of it, singing "party till the world ends" over the original. Simple but effective!

The Pied Piper harmonizes with Britney, singing "Keep on dancing till the world ends," and it almost sounds like they're up in the cluuurb together. Does this spell a more hands-on collaboration in the future? We sure hope so.

+ Listen to R. Kelly's "Till The World Ends remix," and watch the video below.

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+ When Lady Gaga was honored with her own DAY in Taiwan (seriously, July 3 was Lady Gaga Day), she celebrated by channeling Cruella de Vil's two-tone 'do. Hide your dalmatians, monsters.  (AceShowbiz)

+ Nick Lachey engaged in a sing-off at Tao in Las Vegas at his bachelor party. Meanwhile, his brother and fellow 98 Degree member Drew Lachey hinted that Nick's nuptials with Vanessa Minnillo "could be any day now."  (PopEater)

+ R. Kelly went ahead and remixed himself right on into Britney Spears' "Till The World Ends." Serious question: Do you believe it can fly? Or should it be trapped in the closet? (Idolator)

+ Other than apple pie and baseball, what's more American than Kid Rock? The singer packed up his game and headed out west to kick off his Born Free tour with Sheryl Crow in Milwaukee over the holiday weekend. (Rolling Stone)

+ You won't want to miss out on this collabo: Jay-Z and Kanye West's album Watch The Throne is available for pre-order. (MTV News)

+ And speaking of collabos, file under The Craziest Pairing Of Any Two People Ever On The Planet Of 2011: Shia LaBeouf and Marilyn Manson are teaming up on a music video. Guess it's everyone's turn at some point to be a star in The Dope Show.  (TheFABlife)

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Tags Britney Spears, Buzz Bites, Kanye West, Kid Rock, Lady Gaga, Marilyn Manson, Nick Lachey, R.-Kelly, Sheryl Crow

With the smell of prom still lingering in the air, I got to thinking about my own high-school dance experiences. Truth be told, my prom sucked but I had a couple deece homecomings. However, unlike most of my gal pals who relished the whole pre-dance tradition of shopping for a dress, getting your hair did, drinking alcohol-free Zima in a Hampton Inn hotel room, I wasn't interested in anything other than the night's soundtrack.

If your high school was anything like mine, then you probably had the same DJ at every dance, and he insisted on only playing songs from the Billboard Top 40 -- and that was totally fine with me because, at the time, I lived and breathed pop music. (I can't tell you how many hours I spent glued to my dual cassette boom box, recording songs off the radio to make my monthly mixes. Ah, the good ol' days.)

In 1994, I was 15, and I remember being completely excited -- and petrified -- when the DJ would roll out a slow song. Would my crush ask me to dance? Would he put his arms on my neck or around my waist? Would he try to touch my butt? These were BIG questions in the life of a high-school sophomore, and the answers would eventually unfold while some of the sappiest (and age-inappropriate) ballads played in the background. (Yes. Waist. Sort of.)

Grab your Binaca pocket spray, perform a pit smell-check and make sure there's a balloon-size space between you and the music of R. Kelly, Boyz II Men, All-4-One and Jodeci.

Finally, if you'd like to keep up with all my musings, please visit my website and follow me on Twitter (@redpatterndress).

1.) R. Kelly's "Bump N' Grind (Remix)": I didn't care too much for R. Kelly's album version of this song, but the remix was my slow-song jam. My friends and I wouldn't so much dance to this song as we'd find a male partner, lean on them and sway around for three and a half minutes. (Very romantic, don't you think?) At the time, I'm sure I thought R. Kelly was sweetly singing about wanting to take a trip to over-the-clothes Dry Humpville; taking a look at the lyrics 15 years later, I'm not so sure. Example: "So show me some ID before I get knee-deep into you." Not only is that the most uncomfortable sentiment ever, but if it wasn't a prediction of the R&B crooner's future legal trouble with underage girls, I don't know what was.

Listen to "Bump N' Grind (Remix)"

2.) Boyz II Men's "I'll Make Love To You": Again, another song that was completely inappropriate to play at a high-school soiree but one that always brought hormone-fueled bodies to dance floor. (Sidenote: Boyz II Men was the third concert I ever saw and when they played this song, the Boyz... er, Men would traipse around the stage in their oversize suits and hand out red roses to the girls in the audience. Swoon.) These days, the only time I hear this song is when I'm in the grocery store. I'm not sure why, but the opening chords still give me butterflies. Maybe it's because I think Dan Netzer is going to creep out from around the cereal aisle and FINALLY ask me to dance. A girl can dream, can't she?

Listen to "I'll Make Love To You"

3.) All-4-One's "I Swear": All-4-One might've been one of the fugliest groups I've ever seen, but they sure knew how to sing a corny love song. Sure, it wasn't an original -- country artist John Michael Montgomery first made the ballad a hit only a couple months earlier -- but it was new to anyone who didn't watch CMT on a regular basis, which was everyone I knew except my friend Cristen, who had recently discovered Garth Brooks and insisted on playing "Calling Baton Rouge" on repeat every morning on the drive to school.

Listen to "I Swear"

4.) Jodeci's "Feenin": Nothing gets the blood pumping like hearing JoJo and K-Ci's falsetto wails bounce off the moist walls of a packed gymnasium. According to Urban Dictionary, "feenin" is defined as "craving for intensely, mostly for a person" and, hell, isn't that what high school's all about? Feenin, stalking. Tomato, tomahto. Oh, Jodeci. You could always express what my teenage heart could not.

Listen to "Feenin"

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Tags All-4-One, boyz-ii-men, Jodeci, R.-Kelly, Soundtrack Of My Life