Michael Jackson jokes aren't funny anymore. Being cruel to that special little guy is passe and, well, cruel. "The Way You Make Me Feel" is a particularly problematic video.

For one thing, this song rules. It's amazing. I say with no sarcasm, whatsoever, that it basically almost makes The Beatles look bad. Honestly, the same can be said for much of MJ's early catalog. His talent is just astounding. How in the hell did he do it?!?

On the other (gloved) hand, there are a few things about this video that are just too absurd to ignore. For one thing, as an aggressive pursuer of women, Michael Jackson is completely implausible. There is just no believing him.

Secondly, the fact that he seduces this woman by screaming, literally screaming, "ahhhhhh," right in her face, is almost more than I can handle. Could that ever possibly work? Will somebody PLEASE try it and report back? If it works, we'll give you a reality show.

Back to the matter at hand. As flat-out incredible as "The Way You Make Me Feel" is, as a single, the plot line of the video is almost completely indigestible. Michael Jackson just can't be believed as a romantic lead. It's like casting Christopher Mintz-Plasse opposite Angelina Jolie in a Gladiator sequel. Totally impossible. All except for one part. The end. Where the woman finally submits to Michael Jackson's animal advances.

In the perfect climax to 6+ minutes of raw "masculinity," they approach each other tentatively in shadows, sizing each other up, breathing heavily, and then... They hug.

Tomorrow, as the Jonasphere well knows, the Jonas Brothers will release their new "Paranoid" video, off their upcoming Lines, Vines And Trying Times album. (I've seen the video, and I could tell you all about it, but I'd get dragged off to MTV prison, which is in the basement of 1515 Broadway and consists of the "Ice Ice Baby" master tape, an empty Real World hot tub, and the ghost of Domenico from That's Amore!)

Anyway, "Paranoid," as the title suggests, is all about the full-on freak-outs that ensue from mental moments and major mind games. But the Jonas Brothers aren't the first ones to tread such psychological territory. Kanye West, The Clipse, Black Sabbath, The Avett Brothers all have published musical material on the topic of paranoia. However, we came up with five of our favorite paranoia-inducing videos below. Read on, won't you?

1.) Rockwell -- "Somebody's Watching Me" -- The granddaddy of all paranoia songs and videos is by '80s one-hit-wonder generator Rockwell, who's also the son of  Motown founder Berry Gordy. The 1983 single is still a classic (you've heard an updated version of it in that Geico ad), and yes, that's Michael Jackson on the hook. But bro, if you think your dog is turning into a pig, then I cannot help you. Also, if you turn on your shower and blood comes out instead of water, you need to call a plumber. Oh yeah -- unsurprisingly, Rockwell also had a song called "Obscene Phone Caller." (Ask your parents about the olden days before caller ID.) + Watch the old-school "Pop-Up Video" version of "Somebody's Watching Me."

2.) Radiohead -- "Paranoid Android" -- Most Radiohead songs are chilling enough to leave you rocking back and forth in the fetal position in a dark corner for a fortnight. But Radiohead's video for "Paranoid Android" makes paranoia look at least a little cute in a Beavis & Butthead sorta way! Watch for a mouse and a rat going at it in the pet store, two guys doing it in an alley, and a cartoon cameo by the band in the bar... right about when a teratoma comes out of a dude's stomach. Cute! + Watch the "Paranoid Android" video.

3.) Geto Boys -- "Mind Playin' Tricks On Me" -- If you slept on this 1991 hip-hop staple, then WAKE UP. (You're excused if you weren't born yet.) Both the song and video detail hip-hop life before ringtones and Rocawear. The lyrics say it right there: "I'm paranoid, sleeping with my finger on the trigger," and the video is a pretty literal interpretation of the psychological fear caused by gangs and drug warfare. "Mind Playin' Tricks On Me" has been sampled, referenced, and/or cited by Biggie, Outkast, and The Game, to name a few, and while the video's a bit grainy, it's still an underground classic. + Watch the "Mind Playin' Tricks On Me" video.

4.) Garbage -- "I Think I'm Paranoid" -- Director/photographer Matthew Rolston directed the video for Garbage's 1998 single, "I Think I'm Paranoid." (Miley fans, he also directed "The Climb.") And while the black-and-white video appears straightforward (the band is trapped in a box!), it was actually inspired by the Beatles' 1963 With The Beatles album cover. Oh, and Shirley Manson looking amazing, as usual, but no surprises there. + Watch the "I Think I'm Paranoid" video.

5.) Rihanna -- "Disturbia" -- In Rihanna's "Disturbia" video, obsession manifests itself in freaky-deaky tarantulas, wigs, wolves, and a creepy dude in an eye patch. And S&M-y corsets. Paranoia never looked so supernaturally sexy! + Watch the "Disturbia" video | Watch Rihanna's "Disturbia"/"Seven Nation Army" performance from the 2008 VMAs.

+ International Euro-dance super-sprite Kylie Minogue just announced that she will embark on her first-ever North American tour later this year. We can't wait to go to the NYC show and then report back on what costume ideas Beyonce will gank for her tour in 2015. (Popnography)

+ It's a real effin' shame that we don't have a unitard fetish or we'd be all over Katy Perry's new "Fashion Against AIDS" campaign for H&M. (PopCrunch)

+ Lady GaGa compares The Beatles to the Jonas Brothers. Makes sense! (NME)

+ Christina Aguilera will make her feature film debut as a burlesque dancer in the forthcoming movie titled -- yup, you guessed it -- Burlesque. (Star Magazine)

+ The jury is still out on Michael Jackson's "comeback" with doctors now saying he's too frail to perform in his current state. (Monsters and Critics)

+ Black Eyed Peas performed their new single "Boom Boom Pow" for the first time on Ellen today. We're not mad at Fergie's hair either. (Neon Limelight)

(Credit: Jamie Maldonado)

One For The Team have a song called "A Better Job" that opens, "Let's move to Brooklyn together/ We'll both get internships at Matador Records." Is that the indie rock version of that thing rappers do when they mention specific street corners and recent cultural events? It's definitely the indie kid equivalent of "Seats down/ Windows up" and other such rap fantasies. Few of them would admit it, but no skinny mustache-faced hipster in his right mind wouldn't choose a shoebox Brooklyn apartment loaded with discontinued Yo La Tengo t-shirts over a steamy night at the club.

The One For The Team indie kid fantasy doesn't end there. Not only do the band's lyrics cater directly to aspiring hipsters everywhere, but they've got a sound to match. The Minnesota based power-pop balladeers sound like a cross between The Arcade Fire and The New Pornographers, with hints of Shins and early Beatles. Take note, Matador! Maybe this dream works both ways ...

Finally, on top of all that, One For The Team back up their Obama-era optimism with this kinda incredible DIY promise:

The album [Build a Garden] was recorded and mixed entirely by One For The Team in their apartment in Minneapolis. Each individual order will be filled personally by the band and will include unique items sent directly from the band to you. The album's packaging is printed on recycled materials and is assembled and numbered by hand by the band. Only 500 physical copies of the EP will be made, however, the album will be widely available for MP3 download.

Live One For The Team's new age rock 'n roll fantasy, right here.

Which would you rather be: The Beatles or The Rolling Stones? Canadian new-wave indie mainstays Metric pose the biggest question of the past 40 years in their new single, "Gimme Sympathy."

Their answer -- which you'd think would be implied in the title, as it simultaneously references two Rolling Stones songs ("Gimme Shelter" and "Sympathy For The Devil") -- is confused by the fact that the lyrics contain the line Come on baby play me something/ like "Here Comes The Sun." So what's the answer? Who would you rather be?

Either answer plays perfectly into the title of Metric's latest album, Fantasies, which debuted at #1 on Billboard's Top Heatseekers chart.

Watch the Frank Borin (Good Charlotte, Story Of The Year)-directed video for "Gimme Sympathy," in which the band takes over a blown-out disco with irresistible hooks and an army of kids.

Funeral Party are dance punks from a metal neighborhood. Sounds dangerous, right? Well, lucky for them, it turns out that violent disco is exactly what the East L.A. underground's been waiting for all along. Good sports Chad Elliott (vox, keyboard, laptop), James Torres (guitar) and Kimo Kauhola (bass) play like their lives depend on it, turning out jam after jam of frowny New York grit (The Rapture meets Blue Oyster Cult?), double-dipped in all-night L.A. gloss. Although, something tells us they may see things sliiightly differently...

Buzzworthy: In "NYC Moves To The Sound Of LA," you sing, "New York City loves to mess around with the L.A. sound." What is the L.A. sound and who in NYC is messing around with it?

Funeral Party: DOES IT REALLY MATTER? THE SONG ISN’T ABOUT JUST NYC; IN GENERAL IT’S ABOUT HOW EVERYTHING IS JUST A REPEAT OF ITSELF. C’MON YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT THAT MORE THAN ANYTHING, YOU’RE MTV FOR %@#&’S SAKE.

BW: The Trail Of Dead tour never stops in New York. Do you hate New York?

FP: UM, YEAH, WE DID.

BW: What is L.A.'s equivalent of the Statue Of Liberty?

FP: THE STATUE AT THE HOMELESS SHELTER FOR FP: THE HOMELESS PEOPLE YOUR CITY HAS BANISHED TO LA.

BW: What's sitting in traffic like?

FP: IT’S THE SAME AS SITING IN TRAFFIC IN NYC.

BW: Mayor Bloomberg asked us to ask you how many of your songs are about Cory Kennedy?

FP: WHO THE HELL IS CORY KENNEDY?

BW: Okay, so how did Funeral Party come to be?

FP: WE ALL MET THROUGH MUTUAL FRIENDS IN HIGH SCHOOL.

BW: Did you take your name from The Cure's song (don't tell me it was the Ludmila Ulitskaya novel)?

FP: YEAH, IT HAD A BETTER RING TO IT THEN “ALL CATS ARE GREY.”

BW: You're doing a lot of traveling right now. What are you listening to on repeat between shows?

FP: DIAMOND DOGS' ALBUM AND REVOLVER.

BW: What's one thing you can't survive without on the road?

FP: IPODS AND LUDO (NOT THE BAND, THOUGH).

BW: How have your shows changed since joining up with Trail Of Dead?

FP: IT’S MORE OF A ROCK SHOW THAN A DANCE FEST, LIKE IT WAS TOURING WITH YELLE.

BW: What's more fun to play: Clubs or backyards?

FP: BACKYARDS ARE MORE FUN BECAUSE OF THE INTIMACY WITH THE AUDIENCE AND THE ENERGY OF IT ALL.

BW: You're on Fearless Records. Be honest. What are your fears?

FP: PLAYING WITH OTHER BANDS FROM OUR LABEL.

BW: What do you make of the 25 Things phenomenon on Facebook? Does anybody care?

FP: WE SURE AS HELL DON’T.

BW: What band would you want to play your funeral?

FP: APHEX TWIN

BW: Thanks Funeral Party!

Man, I been begging to do a post on Animal Collective here for ages but the powers that be keep telling me "No, our audience isn't ready for that far out noise rock." That being said, there is no denying that every time I see Animal Collective, the crowd gets younger. And I can't think of a better testament to their greatness!

What other band has started out at the obscurest end of the art rock spectrum and come all the way into the mainstream spotlight without substantially sacrificing fans or cred? Death Cab? Nope. Bright Eyes? Eh, sorta... Modest Mouse? Definitely not. Even if they had, none of those bands was ever quite as adventurous as Animal Collective.

Since the recent release of their eighth (EIGHTH!) studio album, Merriweather Post Pavilion, the din of mainstream Animal Collective praise has developed into a full-on roar. People are plain-old losing it for Animal Collective, ranking it among Kid A, Pet Sounds and Revolver as one of the best albums ever. And it's not just the critics who are flipping. My little brother tells me that his whole school (Nicolet High School in Milwaukee, WI) is mental for Merriweather, too. "Everybody's Facebook status is Merriweather Post Pavilion," he tells me. It's a full-on phenomenon.

BUT! Are we ready for an Animal Collective invasion? Is there room for them in the buzz bin among Miley and the Jonases? Is there room at the Tokio Hotel (ugh, sorry)? Well how about you just watch the video for "My Girls" and get back to me on that? Deal?

Beatles babies Sean Lennon, Julian Lennon and Stella McCartney are already household names. Now Dhani Harrison is taking a shot at joining their ranks. Beatles guru/guitarist George Harrison's 30-year-old son made his musical debut when he polished off Brainwashed, an album his father left behind when he died.

Now Dhani's fronting his own band, thenewno2, with drummer Oliver Hecks. The voice that drives the emotional duo's Oasis-esque ballads will be immediately familiar to Beatles fans, but it's a whole new dreamy, space-rock ballgame from there on out. thenewno2's debut album, You Are Here was released in August 2008, but it's still play-on-repeat-worthy.

Get a heaping sample of thenewno2's bold, sonic experimentations on MySpace, and keep an eye out for more from Dhani Harrison.

... Meanwhile, back over at the Woodies... Motion City Soundtrack's listening to Ben Folds Five (ahhh memories!), There For Tomorrow's into Jason Mraz and the new Copeland, but Boys Like Girls trumped them all when they declared they're into a totally obscure, little-known band from Liverpool. Seriously, who's got time for modern music when the Beatles are OFFICIALLY, finally back?

Watch the video, and see who won big at the Woodies.

+ If you like "ogling celebrities," Hannah Montana makeovers and live performances of Billy Ray Cyrus' "Achy Break Heart," then Miley Cyrus' (super!) Sweet 16 was TOTALLY worth the ($250) price of admission! Otherwise, probably not. (Associated Press, MTV News)

+ More on the Danity Kane maybe-breakup! Will DK still be DK if they lose Aubrey (or Dawn! Or D. Woods!) to a solo career on tomorrow night's Making the Band finale?? (Remote Control)

+ Janet Jackson postpones three more shows as a result of the (as-yet undisclosed) illness that landed her in the hospital last week. We're officially concerned. (MTV News)

+ KISS has a new pair of shoes! Though, truth be told, we're still partial to these high-cut Tokio Hotel boots. (Vans)

+ Avril Lavigne has some semi-practical style advice for the babe on a budget! Well, assuming your budget is the size of Coco Chanel's. (Best Week Ever)

+ Oasis supposedly ripped off their new material from an "old-school Brit Chart powerhouse." And this time, it's not the Beatles! (Idolator)

+ Country album sales were reportedly down 16.7% through the end of the third quarter. And no, Jessica Simpson wasn't to blame. (Coolfer)

+ Jennifer Hudson's self-titled debut album is all about (What else?) Jennifer Hudson. "It introduces Jennifer the person versus all the characters," the Dreamgirls/SATC actress explains. We look forward to meeting you, Jen! (MTV News)